Poop

Why does it still hurt so much? Why do I still think about him? Why is it so hard when I see him?

PostSecret Is Good For Feeling Less Lonely

 

We all go through the same shit, don't we.

Photo from PostSecret.com

Thoughts on my Recovery

There's still that feeling someone punched me in the chest, but only occasionally.

Epiphany

Yeah, just had epiphany.


I can do better.


Wow. Better late than never, right?

Heartbreak

Falling in love with someone is the most painful thing I have yet endured.

Going Backwards

Love is pretty f-ing powerful. I have spent three months recovering from an injury to that metaphorical organ. I have spent three months trying to get over someone I was only with for three months. Even when I thought I was making progress I would get hit with such overwhelming feelings of longing, of really missing him. I know loneliness is a tricky bastard, too. You can miss just about anyone if you have no one.

I was following a fool proof plan: Avoid the ex-boyfriend, recover my ego, make new connections, wait for the heartbreak to end and/or fall in love again. I found a man who was everything I had been looking for. Really--everything. Shall I list his qualities? Attractive, mannish, fun, enamored with me, same sense of humor, same taste in music, same taste in food, good taste in clothing, liked being outdoors, grew facial hair well, said my name all the time, remembered EVERYTHING, gave me tiny gifts to show how he cared, made plans with me, took me on thoughtful dates, respectful of my space and pace, loved kale as much as me... And it turned out that about a month into being showered with perfection, I realized I wasn't all that into him.

Now maybe that's because it was too soon after a break-up or maybe I was overwhelmed by his affection towards me or maybe his being shorter than me is a real problem (can you date shorter guys?). My ending with the kale-noshing-mountain-man coincided with the visit from my beloved father, and que the real twist. As soon as I had my dad around, I started missing my ex with a fierocity I wasn't prepared for. Background: My dad and I have always been very close. When I was living on the east coast, we talked every day--about everything. He was my biggest supporter when it came to my move west and he's been my go-to guy for just about every problem that's not man related (mom usually gets the role of love adviser).

Now six months later, I'm in the presence of my father, showing him my new world and all the people in it and my thoughts are consumed by my ex holding me. It's like there's a video clip looping behind my eye lids: Walking into his apartment, him holding his arms out to me, my arms lacing around his neck, putting my face into shoulder... The video looped for my dad's entire visit. Maybe it was a male presence in my Colorado life that I was missing or maybe my dad reminded me of my first boyfriend.

My heart was fighting my head. I am not a fighter. I am a lover. I broke down. I saw my ex after my dad left. Driving home from the airport, crying the whole way, I called him. I saw him. It was better than I could even imagine.

What does it mean for us? What do I want? Is he good enough for me? Will I ever get over him? Will I have to? Will I be happy with him? So many questions, and no answers. Loving someone makes me feel so vulnerable. I don't want to be used, to make stupid decisions, to put myself through unnecessary heartache... I'm afraid I will just because I'm in love with him.

We shall see what unfolds in the coming days and weeks. I am guarded. I've changed. He's changed. There's a whole lot of shit that I need to tell him. I've decided that for now, I'm not fighting my heart. Love sets you free, right?

Ooooo, You're So Strong!

There's nothing quite like a man giving your oodles of attention to make you realize that the dude you recently just broke up with was really a boy in disguise.

I had my second date with Mountain Man, y'all! We went for a hike (how fitting), mostly talked about me (except when i pried a bit about his tattoos), ate snacks (more like an elaborate mountain man-made picnic lunch), and even picked up my puppy dog poop--yes! He picked up my dog's poop for me! La swoon...

Something Other Than You

What Makes A Man

douchebag: Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached f***er or motherf***er. Also, An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intellegence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears.*

How lame must a guy be in order to get the title, Douchebag? Is one girl's douchebag another girl's dream? Is it all just personal assessment, or is there a standard?

Did I just date a douchebag for 3 months?


*Courtesy of Urban Dictionary 
photo link here

Hopeful

There will come a time, you'll see
With no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart and
Flowers in your hair.

- Mumford and Sons

Shake It Off

Am I Angry?

I deleted the phone number. I unplugged him from my life. I won't see him or his friends pop up on my facebook feed. I've created distance. That feels like the right thing to do. It's over. It's time to heal the wound, I think.

So when I get a text from an unknown number at 10 pm... when I see that it's him, asking if I'm angry I wonder what made him realize that something was different? I wonder, should I reply? Is it even appropriate to write, "No"? Am I angry at him? How can it all come down to a yes or no question? Everything I've felt, the reasons this isn't enough, the ways in which he's hurt me. Even now, it's a selfish gesture. This feels more like an attempt to reprieve himself of guilt than any care towards my condition.

Am I angry?

Undone And Recovering

I'm great. Life is great. For the most part, I'm great. Mostly I'm pretty good.

You know what? This sucks. It is so hard wanting to be with someone while you're alone. At this point, getting back together with my ... ex-boyfriend? (what an awful phrase term) is not the right thing for me. It just can't be, right? He started off as an incredibly doting paramour. He said the most fantastic and entertaining things. He always had his hands on me, comforting me. He checked on me, on my feelings. He wanted to make me happy. He made me smile when I felt shitty. But I can see now that by the end, he left me feeling so insecure. The break-up shook me hard. He backed out on me. He needed time to himself, time to recover from previous pain, time to get himself balanced again, time to sort out the emotions in his head. He told me he couldn't do it. He told me he was incapable of being what I deserved, but that one day (soon, hopefully) he could come back to me ready to give me everything. And I realized yesterday that saying he "couldn't do it" was probably an attempt to relieve himself of some responsibility for my broken heart. If he was incapable of being the boyfriend I deserved, than it wasn't a choice he made--circumstances were what hurt me, not him. At the time, it almost seemed noble of him. Now it seems weak.

The problem with recovery from a broken heart isn't really the crying and the misery--that's to be expected. It's the surprise emotional attacks. After 2 weeks of feeling great and independent and strong and beautiful and optimistic, I started crying yesterday when I got home from work. I got dressed and went for my run with a hat to shade my puffy, pink eyes. Usually running solves my moodiness: exercise is a known mood booster and running is especially great for clearing the mind. But as I slowed to a walk after three and a half miles, I could feel my throat clenching. It was as if my body was on pause for 40 minutes. As soon as I swung my apartment door shut behind me, I collapsed onto the floor short of breath, my chest heaving with sobs, my face streaked with sweat and tears.

There's a lot of hurting still and I imagine there will be for a while. I fell in love with him. I have to reconcile that somehow. I had to allow myself to continue to love him, but not be in love with him. This is what life is about, guys. Love is what it all revolves around.

Lines That Don't Work On A Girl

Let's hang soon.

Aren't I seeing you on Friday [in 2 days]?

Yeah.



... I think he forgot.

Boys Are Dunces

Case in point:

My once lovey-dovey wanna-be boyfriend from last summer (Mr. Colorado) happens to live in the same town as me (when we were intimate we lived hundreds of miles apart). Since my move to this town, I've seen him but once. He may have had hopes to see more of me over the past half year but it was always up to me to "get a hold" of him. You know I hate that phrase. When I did make the effort, one of us would end up backing out. It got irritating fast plus I knew that the last thing I needed was to be hanging out with the guy anyway. He was flaky, made it known on multiple occasions that I wasn't his world, and would most assuredly leave me hanging on to old feelings.

So fast-forward to about 3 weeks ago when he tried to forge the space between us with a quick message--"hey, how are you?" Since my break-up with this other guy I've begun to feel more appreciative of friendships and healing old wounds--so I bit and wrote back. Surprise! "Get a hold of me" was part of the response. Miffed, I called him on it but made plans to catch up a day or so later. We got some beer and he talked about life and asked how I enjoyed our now shared town. It was nice but also underwhelming.

We share mutual friends and I had made a plan to tag along on the group weekend camping trip. We were amiable again! Everything was normal and cool, e.g. occasional small talk around the campfire, until later that night after I had left the circle to retire to my tent with my dog (who's playing the role of a boyfriend right now). I was just getting comfy in my sleeping bag when low and behold I hear a voice outside my polyester door flap. "Hello? Are you awake?" I let him in with my guard up and suspicions high. Squatting inside my tent with my flashlight shining, he made conversation--first on life in general and then on us in particular. He apologized for hurting me. He apologized for being a jerk, if I indeed I thought of him as one. He was appreciative for being back in my life. All was well and good. I took it all in stride. Great. Thanks. It's all good now. I'm over it. I've moved on. I've let it all go. I've got other emotional dilemmas on my mind, to be quite frank (I didn't actually say that line). Then the conversation sort of ... stopped. He just sat there... and turned off the flashlight.

Fuck. He was going to try to put the moves on me. At one point he tried to find my face with his hand and I awkwardly laughed at him. Then I found a yawn and told him Badger and I were ready for bed. He didn't move. You know what I did? I called him a Chatty Kathy and told him to get out of my tent. We laughed about that for a few seconds but he didn't moved. I said it again. Then he tried to kiss me. By try, I mean he managed to find my lips and lay his right on top. Aw, shoot. After saying "ahh! What the hell!" in my head, I kissed him quick back and then gave him a hug and then kicked him out for real.

But seriously, what the hell?

Back story: turns out the guy had been in an off-again/on-again relationship the whole time I was out here (and we weren't talking). Their relationship culminated in a spastic expensive gift giving explosion. I imagine he was hoping to heal the dying love between them with money goods but it didn't work. They broke up 3 days later. Then he decided to take a 2 week foray to Turkey where he spent the majority of his time with an ex-girlfriend. He messaged me days after he returned. He kissed me days after that.

What the hell, man? What the hell?

Boys are dunces.

And Now

Life is beautiful. Everything just feels richer and brighter as I recover from this broken heart. The hurt makes the happy that much sweeter. Has anyone else felt this way?

The Library Crush

Oh man does it feel warm and cozy to have a crush on a stranger. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's crushes. This one might be an editorial photographer (or so I'm theorizing from my 20 minutes of google searching last night). I will mention that he's quite cute which is really one of two stipulations for a crush-worthy person. Number two is charm and really cuteness matter more because you can develop a crush without even meeting someone--it's all appearances. I think I judge people, by the way. Bah. I'll let you know how it goes.

P.S. I'm tired of boys with their meandering ways and hollow promises. Get me a man who will stick to what he says and doesn't say "call me". I do not want to call you. I want you to want me, more than anything else. Is that too much to ask?

Back to Singledom

I have noticed that I am back to eying up every potential guy within my field of vision, i.e. every guy within my age bracket who looks mannish. At the very least, this means I'm back to monitoring my options and thus open to new men. Which leads me to ramble on the keyboard about how shitty being alone is after being with someone.

Break-ups are just a heap of shit. I don't really feel like doing another one. Thanks. There I am thinking I've got my feelings under wraps--I'm gonna do better! This is the right thing for me! Just wait till I meet someone who wants this as much as me--and then there I am with tears on my face in the car on my drive home from work. It's not even like I'm trying to think about him (at first--then obviously I'm just torturing myself).

A good friend told me that even though someone can be good, good is the opposite of best. I'm not exactly sure how that computes but I'm with her on the general gist of it. He was good. But the more space I have from him, the more clearly I can see that there were things missing. I am ready for a relationship--my best relationship... I think.

One and Un-Done

The relationship is over. We called it off. He was overwhelmed by work and a big decision looming in his future. Oh, and apparently he's not quite ready for a relationship. I love the guy and it hurt like hell when I first caught a whiff of his panic but now that it's done and done? I'm ok. Now I have to go meet some more people.

Fancy Reading A Book?

I'm not the only one! It looks good. If you give it a try, let me know how it is (and likewise)!

The Appropriate Pick-Up Artist

I've been wondering... how does a guy hang out with a lady he's attracted to while she's on the dance floor without seeming totally skeavy? I elect that he doesn't try to pick up the girl on the dance floor. Perhaps afterward, with a line like "Hi. Nice moves."

When in doubt, just say "Hi".

Following Silver-Jeep

My roommate and I have been sneaking peeks through the front window at a local tenant. We call him Silver-Jeep. We've only caught sidelong glimpses of him: wearing a snappy suit in the morning, carrying a coffee back into his room on the weekend, picking up a six pack for a female visitor... Oh, the mystery!

It's become more of a game with us now. Or maybe it's just me. I have a feeling my roommate just isn't as excited about him as I am. I'm not surprised. We left him a note this past Friday night after being out dancing and imbibing. We had sandwiched his silver jeep between our cars and thought to leave him a love note.

Dear Silver Jeep,

We like you. 

The end.

Well, he didn't write back. It's ok. We were outside yesterday when he happened to be leaving for the gym. Upon closer inspection he certainly is a healthy young man and he's attractive in his own way, but not nearly as hot as we had painted him to be in our minds. He was terribly nice to us (as we both imagined in our heads that he had figured us out).

It's what's on the inside that counts... really. And some mystery is nice.

photo link here

My Recent Life... In A Nutshell?

I was living a pretty comfortable life in small town Connecticut up until about 2 months ago. I had a great job working at a library, great pay, great coworkers, great benefits. I was near to my family--two loving parents and a brother who filled in as a best friends. I got to know people in town, had some friends scattered about, found fun visiting New York, Boston, and the White Mtns. But my life had grown stagnant. I was ashamed in my lack of accomplishment. I was still living in the town I grew up in. I had seen close friends move to busier places and others were exploring beautiful parts of the world. I had a degree in the sciences--what did I have to show for it? Furthermore, I had been searching for years for intimacy--a close best friend and a long term relationship. I was experiencing one let down after another when it came to guys--I was a part of Match.com meeting new guys at coffee shops. I fell for friends of friends who liked me but just weren't that into me. My best friend of 8 years who I met in high school faded from my life, leaving me yearning for a human with whom to share my mind. In short, I knew parts of my heart and soul were underfed. How was I supposed to change though? What was I supposed to do?

I took a trip to Colorado last summer to visit a friend of mine. It was a small step towards finding a spark in what I felt was a drab life. My dad joked that I wouldn't come back... I guess he knew me too well. My trip to Colorado was wonderful but it was a vacation. As soon as I was on the plane back, I started crying. I'm not a crier and there I was looking out the tiny oval window, my face wet and my jacket clutched to my chest. What the heck? I guess I'd found something I really wanted. Of course, it seemed a monumental undertaking. Was I really supposed to quit my secure job, find something new halfway across the country (in the sciences? at a library?), be miles and miles from my family, say goodbye to my old friends and coworkers, make brand new connections, find some roommate and a new place to live? For what? Did I really want it that badly?

Yes. I did. Over the next 9 months, I formed and followed a path that would forever change my life. I prepared for a move to the west--a feat I had always considered to grand for my abilities. It was more of a dream all those years in school--graduate and go west. Here I was realistically planning for just that. I took 2 more reconnaissance trips to my future homeland to steady my faith in the vision. By spring, I was feeling more ready than ever. I gave myself a date: April 21st. I posted an ad on craigslist for a roommate and within a few days, I was conversing with a girl who I wasn't sure was overly-zealous or perfectly matched for me (the latter ended up being true). I started packing my belongings into boxes, trying to visualize how much I could fit into my Civic Coupe. I got my dog neutered (finally!)--my mom had been holding out, hoping he could have another litter of puppies. I prepared my two weeks notice and brought it in every day for a week, knowing that I would do it only if it felt right. Magically, I found myself alone in my car with my boss... and as she said to me "Since we're alone, there's something I should tell you", to which I replied, "There's something I should tell you". And from that moment, it become a count-down. In 14 days, I had said goodbye to the people closest to me and packed up my car. I didn't have a job lined up but I had my letter of resignation filed away with the town. I was a free agent. I was headed west!

The first day was miserable. Actually the whole drive was basically through a dark cloud of rain and emotions. I cried non stop for the first 2 hours, and intermittently after that for the next ten. But as I drove into Colorado the day before my birthday, the sun broke through the clouds and I found myself crying for a whole different reason. I made it! I met my new roommate the next day, April 27th, which happened to be my golden birthday. She was everything I could have dreamed of. We found our apartment within a week. I got a job with the most fantastic co-workers within a month. And now less than two months from my arrival date, I have the boyfriend of my dreams. I recognized change, I followed the drive in my soul, I opened my heart to strangers and I have been rewarded in all of my efforts. I found what I had been waiting for. I found myself out west!

Uh oh.

I have a boyfriend. What do I do now?

Inspiration

 

I love this.

This photo is today's post from The Sartorialist.

The following text was included from the owner of the photograph:

This is a photo of my maternal grandparents, taken while they were dating in the late 1940's.  -Beca

Letting Go

I dreamed of an old flame last night. Mmmm, actually it was more of a haunting. It was mostly sweet and nostalgic, until the end: I was looking down at this man who once held me, holding another woman.

Having a partner, I think, is one of the most wonderful parts of life. The support and the secrets and the feeling that his body is yours. What a painful process it is, recognizing when it's over and letting him go. Time and distance can heal that wound but how much time does it take?

How do you cope with the loss of a love?

Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

I've never been in a long distance relationship. I've never been tempted by it's lures either. In my head, I don't think it works off the bat. If it's a temporary sort of situation that arises after a couple has a solid thing going on, then I could get behind it. This site got me thinking about it, anyway!

Boys Like Bikes

I went to a bike co-op today! For the first time. Sigh. New things are so invigorating. I just bought my very own bike yesterday and it needs some tuning up. She's beautiful, by the way--an old blue Schwinn Mirada. Underneath the dust and cobwebs, through the grime, she's hiding some magic.

As it is, she's got a few more things to fix than I anticipated. She wasn't ready to go after today's work. I'm not complaining. It means I can go back to the shop on Wednesday! The hour and a half I spent working at the bike co-op was pretty amazing. Not only did I learn things about bikes and meet new people and see a whole new world but I was surrounded by manliness. Grease, country and reggae music, old machine parts, sarcasm. I love boys.

If you're looking for boys: remember that boys like getting dirty and taking things apart and fixing things and going fast and hanging out doing useful/fun things. Boys like bike shops!

photo link here

I've Moved West!

I have moved to a land of man-plenty! A land so fraught with attractive and brutish men that the dying candle in my heart (exaggeration) is burning bright again! Outdoorsy, mountain mannish boys! Hopefully without girlfriends! And with a desire to commit! To me!

Mountain men: please form a single file line and I will get to you all in due time. (Requisites: You must be at least 6 feet tall and own an automobile with 4 wheel-drive)


Artwork by Kenneth M. Freeman. See his work here.

Costco Sells Everything

Costco sells everything. Food, computers, tires, saunas, massage tables, doctors, vacations, engagement rings, wedding dresses, coffins, babies... I would like to purchase one new boyfriend, please.


photo link to photobucket

Is It Possible...

Is it possible for someone to be sexually attracted to you AND respect you/care about you BUT not be that into you?

I've learned that love is not something you can make sense of. I've learned people say some things when they feel something else. I've learned that it's difficult for everyone to know how they feel or what they want. I've learned everyone has some good and some bad in them. I've learned that being hurt is an inevitability when you love someone. I've learned life and people are full of surprises.

Lines That Don't Work On A Girl

It's not you, it's me. I'm not that attracted to you.

Lines That Don't Work On A Girl

We're friends. We're friends. We'd only ever be friends.

... while he tries to feel me up

Lines That Don't Work On A Girl

I wasn't as into you as I thought I was.

I'm Anxious! And It's OK!

Yesterday, I read a book (err, parts of a book). I learned things! About myself!

This is me:

You love to be very close to your romantic partners and have the capacity for great intimacy. You often fear, however, that your partner does not wish to be as close as you would like him/her to be. Relationships tend to consume a large part of your emotional energy. You tend to be very sensitive to small fluctuations in your partner’s moods and actions, and although your senses are often accurate, you take your partner’s behaviors overly personally. You experience a lot of negative emotions within the relationship and get easily upset. As a result you tend to act out and say things you later regret. If the other person provides a lot of security and reassurance, you are able to shed much of your preoccupation and feel contented. 

The above description describes one of the three possible attachment personas. Most people are secure; some people are avoidant; some are anxious (me-me-me-me-me!).

Everyone can find happiness and love, even if you're not secure. Recognizing your flaws, your weaknesses, and your needs is really what matters. There are people out there, good people who match you; give you what you need and want, make you happy, give you peace. So, perhaps I should stop pretending to be so cool and aloof because that's not me? Perhaps I should recognize that I've been consistently attracted to avoidant types, who leave me feeling especially vulnerable and under-appreciated? Perhaps I should acknowledge and allow a secure, loving man into my life when he shows up? Wow. Smart!

The book: Attached, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. I didn't buy it and I'm not necessarily advocating that you buy it, but if you see at your local library--take a look! Pssst--they have a blog, too!

What Do Guys See First?

What are the first things a guy notices about a girl? Glamour posed this question to a slew of guys on Guyspeak.com and got the answers.

#1 - Eyes
#2 - Mouth
#3 - Ears
#4 - Boobs
#5 - Hands
#6 - Thighs to butt ratio
#7 - Feet
#8 - Hair
#9 - Voice and speech
#10 - Overall vibe and body language

I would say none of these are too surprising. Although do guys actually notice my feet? Before my hair? After my hair? Certainly after my boobs. I would imagine they notice my vibe and body language before my feet, too. Maybe I should start painting my toe nails.

Disagree with anything here? Do guys notice other stuff not listed? Let me know!


photo link here

The Soundtrack To My Life

The Saga of Colorado and California

I gave you the introduction. Now I'll give you the ending.

No one wins.

Colorado is moving to Japan. Whatever we had has been relegated to friendship, even if we were together "we would just be friends". California will always put his job first. Whatever we had was relegated to friendship since "we're not going to date". Separate time zones, separate love lives.

Wouldn't it be perfect if the story ended with all three of us laughing around a table with a bottle of wine? I hypothesized different outcomes to my perfectly doomed story of meeting two men from too far away in one summer. Of course, the current ending was the most likely but I'm still disappointed... even a little surprised. Fark.

Goal: Fall for guys who live in town.


photo link here

West is Best... For Men?

I hawked this National Geographic map from another blogger because I couldn't find the original (fast enough). Are you looking for a man? Westward, ho!  Do you want a single lady? The east coast is where it's at!

I tested this theory out recently in Denver/Menver, man capitol of the Rocky Mountains. I met a bunch of schmucks, a sleaze, and one considerably large douche. I suppose it's difficult to chart the disbursement of single, quality men.

I Want To Watch A Sad Movie

Blue Valentine looked like a good movie... maybe because it was up for some awards or because I overheard someone somewhere say "it was a good movie". I just read a review by a Boston University student and yeah, it looks good.

To quote the song Dean sings on the first date, [the film] is saying, “You always hurt the ones you love,” and that love is an inherently painful process, but there is something good in the end.
-Adam Burnstine 

Light & Shadow: BU's Graduate Film and Culture Review Blog

Heartbreak Is A Good Sign

Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she won't suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when the person looks back--she will hear her heart.
-Paul Coelho

If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances. 
-Julia Soul

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
-C. S. Lewis

Heartbreak is a good sign. It means that you're living and taking chances; growing and staying honest with yourself; remaining open to the love that will bring you great happiness.

Dating As We Know It Doesn't Work

Just browsing some blogs and I found a very intriguing title, "How to Make Dating Work for You". Yeah, boy! I want some of that!

The dating scene doesn’t work. Wayne Dyer said, “We don’t get what we want, we get who we are.” When singles meet, they don’t really see each other, they talk but don’t feel heard, reach out but don’t feel connected.

 So that's why I'm so sick of dating! There's so much judging and pretending and chest-puffing and analyzing you don't actually get to know someone. There's no real friendly acceptance and openness, it's just a big test--that doesn't work!

Then I read this part:

Wanting and having can’t exist in the same space. You need to be able to move out of wanting into having in order to manifest a relationship.

Ah-ha. So I can't really make dating work, it happens when I don't plan for it. Well, ain't that the truth.

Choose Your Favorite Man Part

a) Arms (I love some nice forearms)

b) Shoulders/back (A man's most mannish feature, in my opinion)

c) Butt (A popular choice)

d) Legs (Mmmm soccer man quads)

e) Chest/abs (The classic visage)

f) Other (...)


muscle man link here

Oh, For F***'s Sake

This guy was so interested. He was super-interested*. So why hasn't he asked me out yet? Because guys are douche-baggy, follow-the-shiniest-thing-in-front-of-their-face, selfish liars.

Do not hassle me long enough to get me interested and then fall off the face of the planet.

At this point, I understand that the moment between us has vaporized. I still feel this driving force inside me to ask him what the hell happened. You're not allowed to be all about me for-like-ever, then forget about me! This does not follow appropriate protocol!

I demand a closing statement. How about:
"I'm sorry. Bad timing. I just hooked up with my slutty ex again."
Or...
"I was never really that into you. I was just bored."
Or...
"I was lying. Oops."
Or...
"I win! I got you to think I was a good guy! Tricked you, bitch!"

Can I send him a reprimanding email? Is that out of line? I've been stifling the impulse for a week but a snarky cloud of moral shaming is hovering above me.

*his words

Usernames Are Forever

trippingkitties

I wonder...

Another Ridiculous Profile

Header:
Death came for me, I slamed the door in his face!

About me and who I'm looking for:
I am a very primative neanderthal, but I havent had chance to find my mate bash her over the head and drag her back to my cave. I guess that because I am a special person, at least thats what everyone tells me, I get to ride in the short bus every day! if you dont find that funny, sorry, well actually im not sorry, Im not a member so you will have to figure out how to email me its not hard add a 6 or dont based on your messenger of choice . I am a cancer survivor.... I recently battled non hodgekins lymphoma back down to nothing over the last 8 months. I fractured one of my vertebrea and I had to have back surgery as well, yay! Life is to hard and short to spend alone :) Im looking for the woman I will spend the rest of that life with.

for fun:
In my free time I enjoy.... Video games, music, movies, guess all the usual stuff for someone my age. I also enjoy going on little adventures to Haunted or wierd places and doing some amature filming along the way, its pretty lame but also very fun

my religion:
what is faith but a blind belief in an entity or entities, I think we have a couple polytheistic religons floating around there still. It exists to Control the masses through teachings of good works, but sometimes can give rise to zealotry oh boy

favorite hot spots:
uh I dont really go anywhere recently... but there is a place I frequent after work a little biker bar. not a biker here though. I also frequent haunts, see above.


He had me at slamed but his summary of religion really ices the cake. Or actually, maybe the icing  was his description of bashing his mate over the head and dragging her back to his cave. But then again he does frequent haunts... hot, right? Maybe I love best that he's looking to find a women to spend the rest of his life with. Yep, nothing like knowing you'll be spending the rest of your days with this guy. 

Too Much Information Can Be Deadly

Let me just tell you: if you do any of this online dating stuff you will without doubt meet some unsettling characters. Always be careful about how many details you reveal to a stranger because after a week of chatting you might discover you never want to hear from him again.

So there was a fellow a while ago who was for a short time full of potential. He was funny and definitely smart--he never made any typos, even when using big words. I thought he was charming! His pictures cut him as a very attractive guy: someone I could follow with my eyes if I ever saw him on the street. We settled into a routine of chatting occasionally while we were both working, and then later in the evening if we were both around at home. This only went on for a week, mind you, but perhaps that was too long.

We had some nice things in common: a distaste for "Lost", reticence to become addicted to coffee, a love for corgis (the dogs with short legs and big ears). He always said he had the bad habit of putting his foot in his mouth. I didn't think much of a comment like that. I've met some great people (mostly guys) who are incapable of censoring what they say. I usually find it endearing. Well, I quickly realized how little I knew of this guy when he started sharing some very private information--very unattractive, private information.

Too much, too soon, my friend. It wasn't just a foot, he had shoved his entire leg into his mouth and I was thoroughly turned off. The ugliness of the secrets weren't so terrible on their own but combined, the affect was like a rug being pulled out from beneath me. How well did I know this guy? Not at all! I really started to question his stability, too. He had word-vomited things to me he'd only shared with a handful of other people in his life. Do I have to say how much that freaked me out? Lots.

We never met.

No Cupid Present

I ran the local Cupid's Chase 5k this morning. No single, hot men asked for my number. I was disappointed.


photo link here

Usernames Are Forever

mendmyheartplease

Hmmm... comes off a wee-bit needy, no? I suppose some girls might go for that sort of thing. Not me.

Horseshoes And Hand Grenades

I'm feeling melancholy. I bet you can guess why--it's about a man friend of mine.

We had something platonic, something I could easily keep at a distance from heart. He is delightful and attractive and totally fun but, from the day I met him, I figured he would be just a friend. The situation as it is, wouldn't allow for much else anyway. I made the assumption that all he would be was fun: he was without risk. What a mistake.

We spent one night together and I haven't stopped thinking about him. I saw him since but only once. Is the distance between us imagined? Things feel different; like I'm jogging to keep up with him, or waving and jumping to catch his attention. Oh, it hurts. I didn't think he was capable of disappointing me. He is such a good guy. He was so taken by me...

There are a lot of guys out there and I keep learning that there are so many ways for a guy to not work. He was so close but you know what they say, close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Dating and Farting?

There are 8 phases of dating, as the Oatmeal sees it. I just reread the comic and all I can think about is farting.  Not actually farting right this second but how guys always talk about farting and how long to wait before you can fart in front of a girl. Yesterday I read something by Jason Mraz, "I think the word fiancé translates into Permission to fart in bed." The more intimate the farting, the more intimate the relationship.

We have an example of something good about being single.

photo link here

Lines That Don't Work on a Girl

You knock me out with those american thighs.* 

*(said while slapping my thighs)

How Long Should You Wait To Reply?

Jess McCann's Blog has an answer. She says, wait 24 hours--and this isn't just for emails, this includes text messages and phone calls. She makes a really great point about how technology has helped us a lot with instant gratification. You get calls no matter what you're doing, voice messages can be checked no matter where you are, and you can text someone right back while driving in your car (wait for the stop light though). This is hindering our dating, folks! Anticipation is so much part of the appeal!

It's totally cool to wait to reply. Actually, the most recent guy I've been in contact with has been pursuing me (all the more?) despite my slow responses. I get back to him in about 5-7 days and he's right there with something new to say.

This brings me back to one of my personal rules: The guy should be pursuing you. If he's not, you're farther in than he is, i.e. bad news. You don't want to be disposable. You don't want to be the one waiting for a call on Saturday night. You certainly don't want to be the one taken advantage of. If he likes you, he'll keep at it. Guys don't give up that easily, even when they should.

Be Patient

Thanks for sharing this one, PostSecret.

Happy Groundhog Day!

Here's wishing you the life you desire, just like Bill Murray finally found after so many failed attempts.

Find Bill's photo here

Link Time!

Read this article if you want a refreshing take on the difficulty of long term relationships. Relationships are easy! Or... well, not so miserable if you focus on the important stuff and all that jazz. I thought it was quite sweet.

On Spinsters

So how old is an old maid anyway? 40? 50? How much time do I have left to find a gent? And does having cats increase your chances of living in celibacy? Just curious...

Get your very own Crazy Cat Lady here

The Soundtrack To My Life

If you could only see the beast you've made of me.

Profile No-No: Fake Picture

Obviously, don't lure people to your profile with a profile picture of SOMEONE ELSE. I'm pretty sure if Mark Wahlberg wanted to get back in the dating scene, he wouldn't make an account on match.com.



photo link here

How I Deal With Stress

It can be difficult, finding a method to relieve the stress that comes with dating and falling in love and being smushed in the ground by men. I've tried a few different things: pulling out my hair, smashing furniture with a sledge hammer, running, yelling really loudly into my pillow, yelling in someone's face, etc. Sometimes, the guy was really special though. Sometimes I just don't want to give up on someone even though I know I should. In those situations there's one thing to do.

I make cupcakes.

(Marshmallow text reads: MAYBE HE IS GAY)

It Never Hurts to Compliment a Girl

What a WONDERFUL way to start the day--opening the following message in my email:

You are soo beautifulll.*

I'm a total pushover. I fall a little bit in love with any/every guy who says I'm beautiful. Are you easy like me when it comes to flattery?


*Side note: I've been watching a lot of Always Sunny in Philadelphia recently so I imagined this guy saying it the Charlie way.

The Soundtrack To My Life

Link Time! Armpits Are Sexy?

I really had no idea that the exposed pit is a turn on for dudes!

Read on!

The Saga of Colorado and California

Does it seem futile to choose between two men who each live over 1,500 miles from me? Yes, I'm glad you noticed that, too. It's like a true or false question. It seems simple enough, choosing the correct answer from two, but the hardest question is the one that only has two answers.

Did you know that the halfway point between Los Angeles, CA and Fort Collins, CO is a town by the name of Elsinore in Utah? Look it up on google. The place is desolate. Desert. Tumbleweeds. Scrub. Dirt. Old gas pumps. Men wearing dirty overalls, chewing on hay stalks (you have to sort of squint to see them). The point between two wonderful men in two vibrant locations is nowhere. Yet nowhere is a mere 8 1/2 hours from the best guy I've met in a long time. I'm not sure what this means but it feels profound.

photo link here

The Saga of Colorado and California

Picture this:

A girl lives in Connecticut. The girl meets a guy from California. She likes him. She's not sure how much she likes him. The girl meets a guy in Colorado. She likes him. She's not sure how much she likes him. Who would she choose?


This is the setting of my love life for the last 6 months.

map link here

I Found Myself On the Road to Dullsville

I've been on a few dates with a new lad. He's attractive and tall, friendly and conversational. He's a good guy. He's nice. He's a winner. After seeing him three times, I cant stand him.

Maybe it's the clinging. Maybe he bores me. Maybe he's too pessimistic. He irritates the bejeezus out of me and what was a great first date (albeit I showed up late, late, late) by the third, I knew some wiring between us just wasn't connecting.

I left the last date thinking we would hang out again, more as friends getting to know each other than potential romancers. It's been at least two weeks and I've avoided all of his invitations. I've avoided discussions, too. I guess I'm just not that into him.

Looking back at our first conversations, I remember feeling skeptical about him and how well we would get along. He struck me as too needy and weak but I ignored those feelings, figuring I was being too judgmental. One thing from this dating that I keep learning: trust your feelings. After the third date, I felt pretty strongly that they were just going to get worse. I was on a road to Dullsville.

How long do you need with someone to know him? Is one meeting enough? Is three?

photo link here

Usernames Are Forever

Walkingdouche

Don't Give Up

Feeling ineffectual? Afraid this might not be your year... again? Want to give up?

Lines that Don't Work on a Girl

Don't get all sentimental on me now.

Link Time! Dating Terms to Rediscover

Bring back the old lingo!! I'm going to try actively to incorporate the words suitor, dreamboat, and beau when I'm talking about the fellas I like or get involved with. And why did going steady have to drop out of our vocabulary? It's so endearing a term!

Check out the Glamour article link here!


photo link here

Lines that Don't Work on a Girl

My friends call me quirky, others call me quite odd.

How Not to Message a Match

This was a message I got from some guy. I think he was being coy?

You should see the map
on the wall behind my bed

I checked out his profile picture. There was what looked like a picture or map behind his head, but I couldn't figure out what it was of. Anyway, he didn't explain the relevance of said map. What intrigue!

Link Time! In the Spirit of the New Year

Ready for a new start? Made your dating resolutions? READY FOR LOVE??! How about a list of things you can do to be more proactive in finding a special someone this year. The link's here!

P.S. I probably won't do any of them.

The Drawbacks of Online Dating

1. You're gonna get harassed by lousy guys. I guess this could happen just walking around the mall, too but it's a lot easier to harass by e-mail and chat than by yelling or whistling or winking or ... you get the point. Actually, this can be a good thing when you're having a day in the dumps and you would take a compliment from anyone.

2. A shit load of blind(ish) dates. If you love blind dates, then... well, what the hell's your problem? Mostly, just be prepared for lots of awkwardness: the awkward silences of just getting to know someone in a constructed setting, the awkwardness of having feelings for a guy who ain't that into you, the mega awkwardness of having to shut a dude down who just doesn't float your boat, the awkwardness of acknowledging outloud and in person that you're on an online dating website both during and after you online dating experience, and so on. Lots of awkward.

3. You may meet a guy on a whim who happens to live somewhere far away. This blows hardcore. Picture this: you've met guy after guy and they're mostly pretty good but nothing special or exciting or fun and then you hang out with a dude from, say, California (and you're a Nor'easter). Surprise! You have a connection with the fella from the west coast. This is luck playing a nasty, heartless trick on you. Luck is a bitch.

Link Time! Happy Marriages!

Here's another article about maintaining a happy, healthy relationship--something I'm quite unknowledgable about, actually. The message is to take care of yourself first. Make sure you feel supported and you're communicating what you want because if not, you won't be able to stay in it forever, right? You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else... oh, have you heard that before?

Check out the link here!

A WHOLE YEAR!

Oh, by the way, it's been a year. A year of (broken) posts about my trials and over-analyzed, minor tribulations! Hooray for me (I think)!

I got into a discussion with a young gentleman the other day about my single-dom. Yeah, it almost sounds like single-doom, which kind of works for me. How could I be single for an entire year, he wondered. Well, I suppose it's an honest question. If anyone has a good answer, let me know. This is what I've got:  Love is hard.

Cheers!

Happy New Year, beautiful people of the world. Good luck in 2011. Make those dreams come true.