Friday, September 28
Friday, June 22
Saturday, June 16
Getting to Know Me
Is it better for someone to know me, see all of me early on? Or better to have tricks up my sleeve, surprises that he finds out about later that make him that much happier to be with me?
Thursday, May 17
Writing
What does it take to write about love? What makes some writing so poignant and moving? Why is one person's story so perfectly heartbreaking? It's all the same story really, isn't it? Love is all the same.
Saturday, May 12
Apple Guy
I was just in for some produce on the way home from dinner. Whole Foods is kind of a magical place--lofty space, colors, happy people. I was picking out some apples and this staffer stacking the apples smiled so big at me. He was lean, hippy sensibility, fine blondish hair to his shoulders.
"How are you doin tonight?"
... "I. Am. Super!"
"Wow. Wow. Don't get that a lot!"
"How are you?"
"Super... Super awesome!"
"Did you just one up me?"
"No..."
We made a few more jokes, smiled more at each other and then I went on my merry way. The next time I cruised through, I caught eye contact with him unexpectedly passing an aisle. Then I took a trip in the evening again, to pick up some produce and flirt with Apple Guy. He was packing the mangoes right at the front door.
"Oh! Hi! How are you?"
"Great! How about you?"
"Can you do me a favor? Can you pick out a mango for me?"
"Absolutely! I need to ask some questions first. When will you be eating this mango?"
"Tomorrow? And the day after?"
"Wait... AND the day after?"
"Well, two mangoes"
"All right. That's more like it. Now let's see here... How about this one? This one would be perfect for tomorrow. Wait a minute." He takes a knife out of his shorts pocket. He picks a mango up, slices it open, crosshatches one side, hands it to me. "We have to make sure you like your mango like I like my mango. Is this too tart... or just perfect?"
"Perfect."
"Right on!" He handed me another perfectly picked mango. I thanked him and he wished me a beautiful evening.
I found a reason to stop by a few days later, in the afternoon. I had to circle the busy produce section four times before I caught sight of him by the flowers. We made smiling eye contact while he laughed with a halo of flowers over his head.
He's so joyful. He makes me happy, too.
"How are you doin tonight?"
... "I. Am. Super!"
"Wow. Wow. Don't get that a lot!"
"How are you?"
"Super... Super awesome!"
"Did you just one up me?"
"No..."
We made a few more jokes, smiled more at each other and then I went on my merry way. The next time I cruised through, I caught eye contact with him unexpectedly passing an aisle. Then I took a trip in the evening again, to pick up some produce and flirt with Apple Guy. He was packing the mangoes right at the front door.
"Oh! Hi! How are you?"
"Great! How about you?"
"Can you do me a favor? Can you pick out a mango for me?"
"Absolutely! I need to ask some questions first. When will you be eating this mango?"
"Tomorrow? And the day after?"
"Wait... AND the day after?"
"Well, two mangoes"
"All right. That's more like it. Now let's see here... How about this one? This one would be perfect for tomorrow. Wait a minute." He takes a knife out of his shorts pocket. He picks a mango up, slices it open, crosshatches one side, hands it to me. "We have to make sure you like your mango like I like my mango. Is this too tart... or just perfect?"
"Perfect."
"Right on!" He handed me another perfectly picked mango. I thanked him and he wished me a beautiful evening.
I found a reason to stop by a few days later, in the afternoon. I had to circle the busy produce section four times before I caught sight of him by the flowers. We made smiling eye contact while he laughed with a halo of flowers over his head.
He's so joyful. He makes me happy, too.
Friends?
I don't smell him in the laundry detergent. I don't wish for him when I walk by the pizza place. My heart doesn't sink when I see his face in a picture. I have to really concentrate to remember how he felt or how he talked. The one day when I nearly ran into him--saw him yards ahead of me crossing the street--it felt like my insides exploded. What would happen now?
Can we be friends? And if we can, do I want to be friends? Do I blame him still?
Can we be friends? And if we can, do I want to be friends? Do I blame him still?
Friday, February 17
Prime Time
I had an intervention.
"You made it. You are at the prime of your life. You've worked so hard to get here and you've got it! You're hot. You're single. You're awesome. Figure out what you want and take it!"
It's true! I will only be this young, this single, this lively once in my life. I have confidence, I have worked to be the person I want to be. I've had lousy experiences with love but they've taught me so much about what I want, what's right for me. I need to pursue every opportunity--because I can! If I don't know, when will I? I don't want to waste any thing!
So with that in mind, I think I've finally moved past my ex and guess what? I have a date on Monday with the hunkiest guy I've ever met. And I initiated it! Yeehaw!
We're going to make beer together... Romantic, eh?
"You made it. You are at the prime of your life. You've worked so hard to get here and you've got it! You're hot. You're single. You're awesome. Figure out what you want and take it!"
It's true! I will only be this young, this single, this lively once in my life. I have confidence, I have worked to be the person I want to be. I've had lousy experiences with love but they've taught me so much about what I want, what's right for me. I need to pursue every opportunity--because I can! If I don't know, when will I? I don't want to waste any thing!
So with that in mind, I think I've finally moved past my ex and guess what? I have a date on Monday with the hunkiest guy I've ever met. And I initiated it! Yeehaw!
We're going to make beer together... Romantic, eh?
Sunday, January 8
A Period of Recovery
I think I'm doing well. I think I want to focus on myself. I think I like having free time, no pressure to conform to someone's standards.
Loneliness is quite awful. It's just a feeling, but it's so consuming. It's unanimous, too! We all feel alone and unloved, at least sometimes, right? It's important not to wallow in it but try to solve it. Break-ups inevitably result in loneliness, at least for me. Watching a movie alone, not having a date for dinner, no phone call when you get out of work. Adjusting to reliance on yourself is a process.
I tried online dating again recently. I wanted to feel proactive about my decision to move on. I think it helped in some regard to bring me back to action and focus less on my last relationship. I went on two dates. I quit. Online dating is effective--I've seen the happy results but it's not what I need right now. I don't want to meet guys who are enraptured with me. I want to be enraptured with myself. I want to love me so much that I'm radiating with joy and goodwill and openness and affection. I think I'm getting there. I think I'm doing well.
Loneliness is quite awful. It's just a feeling, but it's so consuming. It's unanimous, too! We all feel alone and unloved, at least sometimes, right? It's important not to wallow in it but try to solve it. Break-ups inevitably result in loneliness, at least for me. Watching a movie alone, not having a date for dinner, no phone call when you get out of work. Adjusting to reliance on yourself is a process.
I tried online dating again recently. I wanted to feel proactive about my decision to move on. I think it helped in some regard to bring me back to action and focus less on my last relationship. I went on two dates. I quit. Online dating is effective--I've seen the happy results but it's not what I need right now. I don't want to meet guys who are enraptured with me. I want to be enraptured with myself. I want to love me so much that I'm radiating with joy and goodwill and openness and affection. I think I'm getting there. I think I'm doing well.
Tuesday, January 3
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