Bad Days And Good Days

Yesterday was a bad day.

I saw my ex a few days ago at a work function--a 12 hour long work function. The day went very well compared to how I feared it would go. But I think seeing my ex again was a shock to my system. We were awkward. We were professional. We were weird.

He bought me lunch which felt really nice and maybe did me in a little. I talked to his mom a few times and that made me miss him a little more. And I saw him looking happy and excited which really made me nostalgic.

I cried yesterday on my drive to work. The car is the best place to cry, really. Ideally crying in the car should be done when it's dark out. Sometimes though those tears start coming and it's 8am. I let it happen. And one of the things about crying is that just doing it is sad. I don't want to be crying about being lonely AGAIN. When will I stop crying about how things ended up with my ex-boyfriend? When will I not miss him enough to cry about it? The thought that ran through my head was, "I don't want to live my life day to day wondering if I still miss him. I don't want to be alone and sad." Am I doing something wrong? Am I grieving in the wrong way? Am I holding on to something instead of letting it go? Is this normal? Am I ok? Will I be over this soon? How long before I'm really happy again?

But on bad days it's easy to forget that there are good days. And it seems like the day after a bad day is a good day. The next day is always better. Today is better. I've eaten two donuts.