What Kind of Sick Joke Is This?!

Is it some kind of ploy to claim in a message to a girl that she winked at you first? Did I accidentally wink at a balding, round 37 year old? Or did the online dating site flub it for me? This makes for an awkward situation. If I ignore him, it looks mean. If I reply and say, "Uh nope sorry! Didn't wink at you!", I look mean.

Mean it is!

Dangers of Facebook Stalking

The internet is an incredible tool for research. Sometimes though, research is the last thing you should be doing. By research of course, I'm referring to googling a special someone's name and perusing their Facebook photo albums. Danger, Will Robinson, Danger. 

I've been corresponding for a few days with a nice guy from a few towns over. Right now it's just light, get-to-know you messages. It has all been quite nice but I got curious last night... I found it his last name from some online searching, found his closed account on facebook, linked to his sister's account, ogled her photo albums for a picture of him and was unpleasantly surprised. See, the photos people post in their online dating accounts are usually the best of the best. I kept thinking I wanted to see photos of him that weren't weeded out; I wanted to see the images of him that were a little more honest.

Why? Why did I do that?! WHYYYY!? Now I have the image of a man with a donut around his middle and receding hairline and doofy grin with his arm around a girl who's shorter but rounder than him. This is not the man I thought I was talking to. I am superficial and these judgments are not fair. I'm not a model. Maybe my pictures paint me differently, too.

My point: it's dangerous to draw a picture of someone from their photographs. The best qualities in a person usually don't translate well in a photograph.

Side point: I hate dating. Looking for potential suitors actually makes me a worse judge of character. Instead of allowing everyone into my life, I tend to weed people out before I know them! If I'm meeting people with the idea they might become lovers, there are restrictions that suddenly apply where if they were just friends, I would be so much more open. Dating is oppressive.

A Question to Consider

Is it harder to be single around the holidays?

Link Time!

I love these little cheat sheets that Match.com advertises on yahoo every week or two. This week's is 5 Things in a Soul Mate that you may not have thought of. Don't make the idea of a soul mate so concrete!

And the Answer Is No

Message of the Day:


Hi,

Would you ever consider getting together with a married man?

Did You Mean Smiley?

The man who designed a pizza after me has not yet let me go. He sent me another message. Sometimes guys are really persistent. Sometimes guys have difficulty spelling words.

hi smilly long time how you been?

Link Time! What's Your Favorite Color Mean?

Have you been wearing a lot of purple recently, like me? Apparently, I'm lost in my imagination... Find out what your favorite color says about you!

How Not to Message a Match

my name is chris im interested in u could u be in me??

It's Not About Looks. It's About Height, Too.

As a girl of considerable length, five feet and eleven inches to be more precise, stature of men is not something I can overlook. Once upon a time, I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter if my significant other was shorter than me. I've definitely been attracted to shorter guys. They've almost always begun as friends and become something more desirable. So I've considered relationships with shorter guys. I've fooled around with shorter guys. Correction: guy.

I've changed my mind. Height matters--to me, anyway. Mostly it probably is a reflection of my less than perfect self-esteem. Shorter guys make me feel... big. As a girl who grew up with that adage, big connotes all things undesirable with a woman. I want to be the feminine part of the couple, the one in need of protection, the one with the quiet control. I want to knock him off his feet metaphorically not physically. Aside, a shorter guy once told me that I probably could beat him up. That was a turn-off.

But onward. I'm pretty image conscious. Maybe this is a problem for me. Maybe I am not sound enough of the mind. I have a cross to bear and it is low self-esteem. However, may I suggest that shorter men are prone to complexes about their height? Worse complexes than those women have about their weight. I think us ladies are expected to be paranoid about our poundage, but dudes are not supposed to care a bit. They care soooooo much. It's all about over-compensation with them. So much like dogs, are men. The large ones lumber along unconcerned with their affable size while the smaller ones are so acutely aware of their vulnerability that they end up drawing more attention to it. For instance, the smaller man will thrust out his chest instead of standing up straight--it almost looks straight, but no... you're starting to remind me of a velociraptor... or maybe a chicken... a chihuahua?

So, anyway. What's my point? I forget.

How to Message Me

I'm going to be strait forward, you sound smart and witty, I enjoy conversation with people smarter then me, or at least passionate about something. You may have both who knows!?

I'm back east for a few weeks doing research on a project. I live LA but have family here and have a film in hartford I'm working on, anywho point being when I have free time it would be cool to chat with someone like yourself. I wouldn't really be looking to start a relationship beyond getting tea and chatting once or twice as I live in Burbank and only visit out here a few times a year.If we really hit it off I would totally become a pen pal. I just didn't want you to think I was looking for anything else, I know this site comes with it's fair share of well men being dogs and all.

Anywho let me know if that sounds at all interesting or dont let me know and I'll understand that it doesn't!

Night!


Why is this message a winner?

1. No pressure to respond
2. Explanation of what he was looking for (i.e. not a hook-up, just conversation)
3. Compliments my intellect and personality (safer than looks)
4. Enthusiasm always goes a long way with me

I received this email months ago. We've met a few times since and it's true: he was delightful from the beginning. Sometimes you just get a good feeling about someone, even though there isn't much to go on. Trust that feeling. I'm so glad I met him. Even though he doesn't live around here, he has been my most successful date thus far. Looking back, his misspelling of straight may have been one of the most endearing parts of his message. He actually says "anywho", too. And you know, it's so much cuter now that I know him. Sigh.

The Downside of Online Dating

I have a crush on a guy who lives 3 time zones away from me.

This Boy'$ Blowin' Up My Phone

Two days later...

10:15 AM
Good morning, i woke up this mornig and i saw a sun shine and it wasn't , i was your smile. so thanks for making my thursday a beeter beautiful one just like you...how is your day and please tell me your name so i can tattoo it in my heart and i won't forget you ever that smile..ha ha... If you let me am going to use you as inspiration for my new menus today in my restauratns..what you think?

8:05 PM
Hello there tonight i did a Vegetarin pizza as special ( big seller) thanks for the inspiration!..it was -broccoli rabe, goat cheese, arugula, baby portabellas, herbed chimichurri, asiago cheese and peach balsamic glaze..thatnk you , i would love to cook for you some time,...on me everything, drinks, bring a friend with you..how are you?

9:05 PM
Are you there still?


The next day...

1:10 PM
Good morning sunshine what is your name?

2:15 PM
you are not going to tell me your name aren't you?

I believe he wants my name not only so he can utter it in front of the mirror in the morning but also to give me due credit on the pizza I inspired. I'm sorry. I can't encourage any more messages from this character. Persistence can be nice but clearly it can also be really awkward. The whole English/grammar thing doesn't set a good precedent either.

I Thought This Was Funny... Maybe I'm Going to Hell

Hi my name is Hernan have to tell you this you have the most beautiful smile i evr evr seen,....like your profile as well..but your smile my god,,beautiful and sexy

Another Part of the Rollercoaster

You know when you have a history with someone? And you think you're over it? But it doesn't really matter if you think you are or not because really you're not. And you'll probably never be really all the way over it. But then you find out he/she's in a relationship. It stops you right in your tracks and you realize how much you miss having him/her around. Suddenly you're really sad because you remember how you felt back then when he/she was a constant in your life. And now that he/she's with someone else you wonder why you weren't good enough to still have him/her. Maybe you wonder what this new person has that you don't, or how you could've wasted so much time with someone who didn't want you after all. But why does this new person--this fresh, clean, normal, bright looking person--get something legitimate and real and honest from him/her when you ended up with nothing? Was there value in what you had? What did you have? Then not only are you nostalgic and sad and jealous but you end up feeling a little bit worthless, too.

How Not to Message a Match: Whoa There, Fella!

hello there im james
im 23 years old and im from longmeadow
mass. i work for a small paving company
doing driveways for the past three years
and love it lol.
i am italian scottish and polish.
im bout 5 6 and athletic
i just bought a new car an 03 ford escape
and love it
im looking to meet a sweet funn girl on
here who knows kinda what she what she
wants to like hang out with and date and
hopefully have it lead to something a bit
more serious
im not like most guys
im not an ass
in fact i get used all the time cause im too
nice im told
i am caring and a good listiner and a
complete goofball sometimes lol
i work hard 5 days a week at my job
im sick and tired of bull sh*tand drama
and im looking to just settle down and
move on lol
you know what i mean
im really big on art
i paint and sculpt and i also draw do photo
and prettymuch anything
ive been single for almost a year now thats
why im giving this corny site a shot lol my
friend told me to try it cause she met
someone here so here i am now lol
i have 10 tattoos and love em im hooked
and gonna get 10 more lol
i have two piercings too
i was also adopted along with my two other
brothers
one older and one younger
i love to play frisbee and to go bowling
love the beach and warm weather
this message is getting long i think i keep
talking and rambeling on about myself soo
lets get some questions out there for you
to answer
what kind of car u drive
what kind of work do u do
where did u go to school
what are u looking for
whats ur hobbies and intrests
any siblings
oh and i almost forgot to tell u that u are
like absolutly gorgeous and have amazing
eyes
lol
just thought id put that out there

well anyways i think this mesage is getting
kinda long so imma cut it off here
but i really hope to hear back from u soon
think we could get along
um im not on here much and i dont
normally do this but imma leave u my
number incase u read this and like what u
see and wanna call or text me
im not gonna bite or anything
well unless u ask me to then i will lol
so its
(413)426-2695
if u wanna u can give me urs too lol
that would be nice
and hopefully we can talk and maybe meet
soon
talk ta u later cutie
wink
'
~James

A little bit long there, buddy. A teensy bit over the top. Am I going to hell? Okay, so parts of it could be seen as endearing if I squinted and scrunched my forehead. Honestly though, I didn't even bother to read more than 4 lines before deciding it was going in my blog.

And what's with guys using the old "I won't bite unless you want me to" line? STOP saying that! Has it ever been cute?? I don't want you to bite me!

Sigh. Finding emails like this in my mail box makes me tired.

I Hate Dating.

I've said it before. I hate dating.

Maybe hate is too strong a word. I'm angry right now but I can see reason. I generally dislike dating. You meet, you open yourself up, you're hopeful, and you never see him again. Or you meet, you're not impressed, you make the best of it, you hope you never see him again, and he won't let it go.

There are a lot of fish in the sea. Most of the fish are lousy fish. A small percentage of the fish are eligible, ready, willing, and waiting. Of those, you hope you run into at least one. And you hope that fish is attractive... and that there's chemisty. There are a lot of factors that have to fall into place. Statistically, you're bound to meet a lot of the lousy fish before a good one comes along. But it only takes one good one (who's eligible, available, interested, around, and attractive), right?

I met a guy last week. It went great. I liked him. It's over. Can I just say something? Of course. It's my blog.

Do not ask for someone's phone number if you do not plan on using it.


Oh and can I just say something else? Yes. You did end up in my blog. Because you didn't call me.

Let's Talk About Hot Guys

I love the upturned collar, open neckline beneath and the pushed up sleeves. Hotttt.


Photo from The Sartorialist

Ridiculous Profile of the Week

Wuddup, or should I say good day. its always hard to say what to say. You can use big words and sounds smart{snobby} or I could use slang ebonics and sound stupid{average} . Shit first impressions are important and I usually fuck them up. But the truth is im all american and I cover a broad spectrum. So anyways Im Chris, Nice to meet you. So why am I on an internet dating site? Same reason as you baby...To meet someone. Lots of girls write in their profile things like "Im just here to meet new friends" and and have strict requirments such as knowing the proper use of their, they're, and there. I see some people are new to the area so I will exempt those few but other than that come on, we're all here for the same reason,I dislike people who cant be real with not only others but even themselves. Dont beat around the bush ..I also think that as long as you're on the same wavelength you could make a realationship work with anybody...but I dont want just anybody. I want a chick thats cool as hell, Doesnt need me for anything(well maybe a few things ;) and has her shit together. I see tons of these types everyday im sure they would all do just fine. Its a hard choice tho. I think I want a chick who is open to anything. like how cool would it to be in a relationship that you're are free to do whatever you want free of jelousy and all that bullshit. Im talkin about being seriously commited but free to do whatever whenever. So say I somehow I end up in mexico drinking margaritas fucking senoritas and I call you and say hey baby im down here havin fun...you would NOT get on my case. Instead you would be like "bitch where's my ticket" I think alot of times in relationships people tend to control one another in subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways. We're both adults...You’re free to do whatever you want and so am I....I see alot of guys who are so insecure they dont want they're girlfriends going out with they're friends. wtf is up with that. You wanna go out every weekend and party with your girlfriends thats fine with me,I dont give a shit.I only need your attention for one thing and we can get that done before we get outa bed. Sure I wanna spend time with you but we have all the time in the world. If you're havin fun I aint tryin to hold you down.

Usernames Are Forever

thunderbunny400

Lines That Don't Work On A Girl

"Don't take this the wrong way but I like that you're boring like me."

Lines That Don't Work On A Girl

"And that minor detail? Well, I have herpes."

Put On Some Underwear... Please

I found another very exposed picture this morning while surfing the dudes. It must be far more common than I originally thought. How naughty!

Put On Some Underwear

And I thought no pants was bad. This morning a guy posted a picture of himself sans briefs... as in fully nude... as in full tackle box... as in displaying his twig and berries in the breeze. Sigh.

Put On Some Pants

Today at the top of my recently updated list was a headless figure modeling his mini bikini in front of the mirror, complete with ripped abs and muscle-y quads. Fine. You're looking for somebody to tap that. Cool... but...

Your crotch is assaulting my eyes! I'm not here to purchase some man undies like I'm flipping through a sears catalog! Put on some god-damned pants!

Thank Jockey for the crotch shot.

Can You Judge People By... Their Tattoos?

What does it mean if someone has covered his/her arms in tattoos? Doesn't it mean something, to change the nature of the skin permanently in a way that is still somewhat taboo? Does it mean a rebellious nature? Necessity to prove one's individuality? Is it an appreciation for drawn art in the most personal and permanent form? Is it a social thing?

I can't figure out if excessive tattooing affects my attraction to someone. And if it does, why. There's an edginess that can be appealing. Yet I have always been attracted to clean, simple, natural beauty. Maybe I just don't like how it looks.

Thoughts?


you can purchase the above tattoo shirt here

Profile No-No: Lots-O-One-Liners

In a way even these one-liners indicate what kind of person you are. Or maybe you're not really a douche-bag. Oh well. Someone else must find this profile funny. I think it's obnoxious.

My Self-Summary

Hello there :)

I live life vicariously, through myself.
I am extremely passionate, motivated, and genuine.
My personality is so magnetic, that I am not able to carry credit
cards.
I am a lover not a fighter.
I am a pretty adventurous and easy going guy looking to go
out.
If I were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get
there.
The pheromones I secrete have been known to affect people miles
away. In a slight, but measurable way.
My Blood smells like cologne.
My hands feel like rich, brown swede.
The police often question me, just because they find me
interesting.
My charm is so contagious, vaccines have been created for it.
Alien abductors have asked me to, probe them.

What I’m doing with my life
I am living my ambition to be a bum!

I’m really good atI could disarm you with my looks or my hands, either way.
I am the only man to ever ace a Rorschach test.
Also great at:
- Sport
- Talking/Listening
- Piano
- Being me.
- Speaking my mind.

The first things people usually notice about me
I would say most people notice that I am open minded. I am outgoing
to the point where I am warm and friendly. :) I enjoy meeting new
people.

Every time I go for a swim, dolphins appear.
Even my enemies list me as their emergency contact number.
I am left handed, and right handed.

In all seriousness, I am extremely modest and respectful.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food
I enjoy a variety of music. I listen to contemporary pop when
running or working out. I also enjoy White Panda, Super Mash Bros.,
Hypercrush, DMB, Divide & Kreate, Girl Talk, Matt & Kim,
Kings of Leon, and Rythms del Mundo Cuba.

Food-
I never say something tastes like chicken, not even chicken.
I don't use oven timers, I tell the food when it's done.

The six things I could never do without
1. Running Shoes
2. Blackberry
3. Family/Friends
4. Tennis Racket
5. Music
6. Car

I spend a lot of time thinking about
the plight of the world, my future, and others.
I once had an awkward moment, just see to see what it feels
like.
People hang on my every word, even the prepositions.

On a typical Friday night I am
I am the life of the party, that I never went to.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
My face alone has experienced more than a lesser man's entire
body.
When I go to sleep, sheep count me.
I once called a wrong number, even though the person on the other
end wouldn't admit it.

When It's Good It's Good

Don't settle for idiots or assholes. Good guys are worth waiting around for. They don't let you wonder, they don't confuse you; they make you happy, they make you feel comfortable. It's pretty nice.

Take it from me: good guys exist. I just hung out with one yesterday.

How Not to Message a Match: Lame Fest

I have not had a conversation with this guy before. He messaged me a few days ago saying something like, Why haven't you replied to my hellos? Will you say hi this time? Below is just a continuation of his lameness: a total lame fest.

Surprisingly, conversations like the following one are rather common. How do guys get like this? Do they think it's cute? Is this humor supposed to compensate for his lack of good looks? Because he's not even attractive. Yeah. He's not even a guy I'd want to look at, let alone provide alcohol to.

C: you should go to manchester
C: and call me

C: and, uh, buy be a drink lol. i have no money

Me: wow. probably not going to do that.

C: i know! no one will!

C: it's not going to be a fun night for me

Me: sorry

C: I bet!

C: you sound really sympathetic

Me: sorry

C: sorry

A Note on True Love

link here

Usernames Are Forever

angel10ilicious... for a dude? Maybe his name is Angel. And he tastes delicious.

This Is My Apology to Blue Shirt

I'm sorry that things didn't work out.

I'm sorry I didn't want to shift your stick. I'm sorry if you think I'm a tease. I'm sorry if I made you feel rejected or undesired or fooled. Because that's pretty much how I felt the other night.

I liked you a lot. I came over thinking we'd cut through all the bullshit and feel some kind of connection and, most definitely, fool around. Unfortunately, I learned that you just weren't that into me. That's a pretty big turn-off.

Maybe this could've been prevented if you had been honest with me.

Maybe this could've been prevented if I had been honest with myself.

Still, I don't regret it. I finally saw what was going on. And you know, it wasn't all a waste. That part where we were joking about my future thesis statement was pretty fun. Sometimes you seem to really care about what I'm saying. Tricky devil.

So yeah, I'm sorry things didn't go the way we had hoped. Part of me hopes you're sweet and gentlemanly with a girl you really like. Part of me wonders why you couldn't have been that way with me.

Thanks for inviting me over. You do have a great ass.

A Blind Date Story

I was thirty minutes late to my lunch date today.

I was that girl. I was the girl half an hour late to a date. You want to know why? Because I went to the wrong restaurant: the restaurant that was in my head, not the one we had agreed upon.

I pulled into the wrong sushi place ten minutes late as it was, then called him only to realize I'd input his phone number wrong into my cell. Seriously. No wonder he hadn't texted me back an hour earlier. To make matters worse I couldn't picture where the agreed-upon sushi restaurant was. Enter Panic Mode. 

I found it after another twenty minutes of scouring. Thank the heavenly beings. I will never stand someone up, even by mistake. Never.

I apologized far too many times, I think to the point where he probably couldn't think about anything else. Three times probably would've been sufficient.  I maxed out at about five or six. He was nice and our talking was nice but, for me, the date was tainted by my lateness.

Bottom Line: Mistakes happen and that doesn't make me a bitch but first impressions count for a lot. Shoot.

How Not to Message a Match: Whoa--Too Fast!

You're gorgeous! I know your profile says straight but would you ever consider playing with a girl? I happen to have a really good one on hand that would be thrilled to play with you :)

Errr... what?

How Not To Message A Match: Master English

omg
wooowww I am so impressive
your smile amazing

Don't send messages like this. Please.

A Blind Date Story

I met another guy last night.

I haven't been into the blind dates so much recently--they can be stressful and disappointing and uncomfortable. But what the hell. You don't meet people when you're not meeting people... right?

This date happened because it was last minute and really the bottom line was: no matter how horrid I could imagine him being, at least we could always talk about that music festival we both went to. Even if he's boring or asshole-y or weird-looking or old-looking or girl-looking, at least we both really like Iron & Wine and that's something. Turns out he was a pretty nice, normal dude (with a wonky tooth).

I've learned:

 - Go without any expectations.
 - You'll get to meet someone new, who's coming just to get to know you too. That's not a bad thing.
 - You can always leave early if he's a creep. You can leave whenever you want actually.
 - He might be cooler than you think. You might enjoy yourself.
 - Even if it's not fun, at least you get a story to tell.

How To Be Douchey

Are you wondering if your behavior is a little bit douchey? Would you do the following things?

- Invite a girl over late at night
- Invite a girl over and not come to the door when she arrives
- When a girl shows up at your house, let her wait awkwardly while you finish your computer game
- Try to put your hand down a girl's pants without kissing her first
- Continue the above behavior after the girl insists, "Why haven't you tried to kiss me yet?"
- Continue the above behavior and try to stick her hands down your pants
- When you don't get what you want, roll over and fall asleep
- In the morning say, "Well, thanks for coming over"
- Follow the above comment with, "Do you want me to walk you out? ...Or are you ok getting to the door?"

Yeah. You're a douche.

Profile No-No: Just Filling Space

Ugh. This habit of filling space in your profile is really starting to irritate me. If I scroll down to get a hint of your character, I don't want to run into crap like this. 

TIME TO FILL SPACE CAN I FILL SPACE YES I CAN FILL SPACE THIS IS SO EASY EVERYONE CAN GET TO A THOUSAND WORDS THIS WAY. EVERYONE LIKES PIZZA. WHO DOESN'T LIKE PIZZA, I LIKE EVERY KIND OF PIZZA, I LIKE TO TRY NEW EXOTIC PIZZAS, I MADE A PIZZA WITH BLEU CHEESE, PROSCIUTTO, APPLE SLICES AND FRESH MOZZARELLA. IT WAS AWESOME. WHY IS PROSCIUTTO SO EXSPENSIVE? THATS MY PROBLEM WITH STEAK, ITS NOT THAT I DONT LIKE STEAK IT'S THAT I JUST DONT SEE THE PRICE MEETING MY OVERALL ENJOYMENT OF THE MEAL. NO THANKS STEAK!

Granted, this dude went of on a tangent that looks somewhat entertaining. I didn't actually read all of it though--I was annoyed enough with the first few lines.

Strangers Are Scary

we should hang out sometime- we live close in distance which is a good thing. We could meet up and go for a walk or something if you are up to it. I would really like to get to know you more- wish you would give me a chance- besides- what do you have to lose??

This guy has been nudging me to meet him for about a month. I haven't spoken with him recently but he just sent me a message today. He seems like a nice enough guy but his desperation has put me off a bit. I don't meet a lot of guys from dating websites. I sit pretty far on the cautious/hesitant spectrum. Actually, in the past six months I've met one person and I just had a really good feeling about him. Mostly, it feels like a gamble. 

It's easy for some people to meet strangers. For me, there's a lot of pressure. Pressure on how to act, what to say and do, how to avoid the awkwardness of not being interested in your date or being let down. I'm still really bad at handling myself around guys I don't know who have a hard on for me.

This date: I don't want to say no but I don't want to say yes either. Dating is hard, yo.

How to Read a Profile

I know it says [that I'm interested in] casual sex but that's a joke.

Um... really. 

How Not To Message A Match: Wait 2 Years (Or Months)

Who takes 2 months to respond to a message? This guy named... Brian. You never can trust Brians to respond in a timely fashion. I just got a note that says,

"It took like 2 years to reply but... how's it going? lol."

Yep. He said lol. Smooth.

So I went back and checked how our conversation was left off, and when. Two months. So I reread our conversation just for giggles, perhaps he came off as a jerk from the beginning? Well, he seemed nice except for--oh wait, his first reply took 2 weeks. And now here we are with his second response taking 2 months. Interesting. Does that mean if I write back now his third response will take 2 years?

The best part is he initiated this communication. I wonder if he treats everyone like he treats me. My question: how do I indicate his etiquette is lame without actually coming out and saying so?

Story Time: Getting Hit On

Today I ran into my friendly Fed-Ex delivery service person at work. He has the hots for me. How do I know this? The first time I met he confessed right before walking out the door that I had beautiful eyes. Sweet? Maybe if it hadn't just followed the terribly incriminating question, "Are you all alone back here?" That one pretty much put me on edge.

So I was lucky enough to catch sight of Fed-Ex shrimp before he walked through the front doors. I fled the front desk leaving my trusty companions to hold down the fort and presumably sign for whatever precious package was in Fed-Ex nut's arms. No luck. No god-damned freaking luck.

He caught sight of my fleeing motion and followed me into the stacks, package in hand. Then he asked me how I was doing and I said Ok and he said, Oh just Ok? That's all right then I guess... He kept talking but I can't remember what he said. I focused on signing my name illegibly. He asked for my last name, too--which is not particularly offending considering they have to ask for the signer's last name. But first of, I don't remember him asking before. Secondly, sharing any personal information with him felt like a violation of my privacy.

My co-worker was made awares of the situation upon my safe return to the front desk. He has offered that in the future, when I give him a "certain kind of look" he will proceed to flirt with the Fed-Ex creep enlisting in a deadly game of "Who's Uncomfortable Now". He claims he will excel at it. Should be epic.

photo link here

Usernames Are Forever

Here are some good ones:

Schappstick 
Boyonabike
Girafferider 
Snugglers 
AmazingBrace

You Are Very Attracted To Me... Yes, You Want To Date Me...

This week I was approached by an illusionist* and a hypnotist. I swear it. Two other-worldly professionals. One week. Uncanny, really. Maybe it's a sign?

Browsing through illusionistjohn's profile, I never would've guessed what movie is on his favorites list: The Illusionist! Now that's poetic. Anyway, John seems like a decent guy and all but if having a weird career wasn't, well, weird enough I could never go for a guy 5 inches shorter than me. And yet, maybe he can make himself appear taller? Boom.

Mr. Hypnotist: he was interesting. He started a conversation on the topic of his profession, because really he knows he has to get that out of the way. I wasn't exactly sold.

Hypno: Have you ever been to a hypnotist?
Moi: No... I don't think so.
Hypno: You should.
Moi: Um, not at this stage in my life. Maybe some day.
Hypno: It's fun.
Moi: Oh, ok. Good to know.
Hypno: I could hypnotize you.
Moi: Time for dinner! Take care!

Next up? I'm hoping for an astrologist. Seriously. I know my stars. We'd have things to discuss, man.

*NOT magician. Very important difference.

photo link here

The Joy of Fake Profiles

I stumbled upon the photo of a 14 year old boy in my matches today. He claims he's 26, which is just ridiculous when you look like Justin Bieber crossed with a young version of that Nick guy from Backstreet Boys. Clearly I had to read his profile. Not to repeat myself but, oh, the joy of fake profiles!

RIPPEDTOTHEMAX (screenname)

Hello my name is Eric. People tell me that I have a good sense of humor,I'm very outgoing,and past girlfriends have told me I was a great lover. I'm trying to settle down in my wild life and find the right woman for me. Going to collage part time and working as an exotic dancer to help pay my bills. I am really good at sex,dancing,and having a good time. I think that I am a closet homosexual or Bi sexual but I am still interested in a woman.

Let's Talk About Hot Guys

This one's nice. I like how closely his shirt fits.

Photo courtesy of The Sartorialist

Usernames Are Forever

A buddy of mine found a good one:

GodKnowRight4U

Usernames Are Forever

Oooooo--DementedEvil could be just the guy I'm looking for!

Profile No-No: So You Have To Try A Little

This guy has close to no motivation. "Cutting wood" may be the most insightful piece of information he offers. The magic happens when he mentions "dirty mags". 

My Self-Summary
i joke around a lot and work

What I’m doing with my life
working 2 pay bills

I’m really good at
cutting wood

The first things people usually notice about me
idk

My favorite books, movies, music, and food
dont have ne

The six things I could never do without
my dogs dirty mags shower family job and money

I spend a lot of time thinking about
everything

On a typical Friday night I am
at the bar

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
not sure

You should message me if
if u want 2

Finding A Hot Sweetheart

Why are we attracted to assholes and not nice guys? HmmmmMMMMMM?!

It  has been a recurring pondering of mine: if faced with the choice, would I choose jerk or sweet? I've always said sweet... but what if you were really attracted to the jerk? It's hard to confront the truth about someone, especially if there's chemistry. Even if he's not a full-on double jerk all the way across the sky, if he's just not that into you... well, that's not so great either.

There's a balance that needs to exist between two individuals. A balance of attractiveness, intelligence, confidence, attentiveness, and attraction. You need to be just as into a dude as he is into you. Is it possible? Maybe not exactly but it should come close and it never hurts for the guy to be just a little bit more into you. I've had a miserable time finding this balance. Boo.

The guys who just aren't that into me are assholes and the guys that I'm not into are nice. I want someone in between: a hot sweetheart. Finding one is causing me trouble. Is this a problem for anyone else?

Usernames Are Forever

GayCyborgNinja.

Yeah. Wow. Awesome.

Usernames Are Forever

My buddy said it best,

Why is there an obsession with using the word "taco" in screen names?

Usernames Are Forever

Who would you choose:


 Daddypickle

 or

 Kobracalm 

Ridiculous Profile of the Week

He is a Lone Wolf.

I have always considered myself something of a Lone Wolf, shy: reluctant to approach others, trust issues by conditioning, wandering: hunting and traveling alone, starving: must find food without help, sometimes having to scavenge, misunderstood: a minority that may be perceived as rabid or sick as most run in packs, aggressive and defensive: as necessary when being alone and fending for one's self. I share all of these qualities with this animal, so I find this comparison to be most appropriate. Honestly, since I was in kindergarten my only dreams and aspirations, haven't been asking too much, at least I don't think so. Most people's dreams, from what I could see have always seemed to me, somewhat materialistic. All I ever wanted in life was companionship, or someone with eyes that could calm the beast inside of me, someone understanding, that gives me something to strive for. However, because of the conditioning of my environment, my life is something more of what I refer to as "shattered dreams and a living nightmare" also being quite shy when approaching strangers whom I might be attracted to, and regardless of every cliche, slogan, catchphrase and empty promise, I remain the Lone Wolf, in what seems to be a never ending vicious cycle. I become envious of others, who have what I have always wanted, but even more when they take advantage, this brings out the beast inside me even more, but still nothing to calm it down, and so my "animality" continues to prevail as the Lone Wolf, and so I howl at the proverbial moon waiting for a response, but still nothing.

How Not to Message a Match

I don't even know what to do about this one.

?
are you submissive


No?

Usernames Are Forever

How about 40yroldredhead?

Usernames Are Forever

And hello, Trigilicious.

Usernames Are Forever

Someone named Rothgar just visited my profile. Hahahahaha.

Profile No-No: No Spellcheck

Meet bornfree4. He likes cars and spelling words wrong. He seems kind of cute.

I'm really into cars and souping them up lk to relax hang out go to the beach in the summer time petty much down for anything as long as having fun taking long drives to nowhere lk meeting new pol and getting to know them I like going to the gym and staying in shape p am a tattoo artist and run my own. Dj ing business Ive been told by many that nice guys finish last but that hasn't stooped me from being what I am love doing nice things for people that I care about I like going out and doing thongs I love to have a good time with good people I like snow boarding and going to the drag strip I love riding my quad being outside playing pool going to the beach moonlight strolls allways amazing with the rite person hanging out and veg out watching movies I'm into a lot of things I'm very active. And ps hyper some times obnoxious lol buy I am who I am and I like having a good time no matter who is around well that's some of me if you would like to get to know me feel free to leave me a message

He seems like an OK dude but what the hell is up with these guys and their punctuation? What's so bad about indicating when clauses begin and end? Thoughts?

Replying Is An Art Form And Flirting Is A Bitch

Today is mass response day. It's like clearing out the fridge of leftovers. Or paying bills. Or washing my car. What, you say? Writing email responses shouldn't feel like a job? Well, it does. The situation probably feels worse when you procrastinate as much as I do, which means letting messages sit for days or weeks at a time. I usually wait for a day when I'm super bored and feel super guilty, open up the box and

BAM!  "Thanks! How's your weekend?"

BOOM!  "Oh, I love that show! Did you see the finale? Craaazy!"

KAPOW!  "Gosh, it's hot out. You could fry a cat on the sidewalk*, right?"

If you're not interested in someone off the bat, how do you handle the reply message? Is it necessary to write back? Or optional? 

I'm not good at feigning interest. I can be polite and friendly. I hate fake though and I gotta tell you, I feel fake sometimes talking to strangers. It's about listening, I suppose. Mostly people want to talk about themselves if you only give them an opportunity and there's nothing fake about listening. Unless of course you don't care. Then I guess it's fake. But caring is pretty basic. I care!

This is the breakdown of responses for my online courters:

1. Jerks and hard-core weirdos: No response, unless I think of something obnoxious to say.
2. Nice weirdos: Thanks and some banter. Sweet messages deserve appreciation and the semblance of a chance. A thank you, some friendly banter, chit-chat, superficial conversation.
3. Winners: Serious and/or flirtatious response, i.e. some real attention.

On that note, I want to rant a bit about flirting. I'm tired of it. When I flirt, I flirt with a cause and a goal. I want to let a guy know how much I like him so that he chooses me and we can get all canoodly and see if maybe something serious could befall us. But you know what I see? Guys doing lots of flirting and lots of nothing else. I want results. I want flirting with stability and predictability. Bah.


*Oh, you don't use that totally outdated and awkward phrase to describe high temperatures? Neither do I.

Can We Be Friends? Yes!

I made a pen-pal buddy!

I broke my online-dating dry spell. It was only a matter of time... and I thought I would never do it again. (The last date I went on was months ago. I took one look at the guy and thought "I'm never doing this again". Oh, I'm so melodramatic)

So what was key to making this date happen? The guy lives on the other side of the country: he's only in town through tomorrow to work on a project. Ding-ding! If he's nothing like how he seemed in his emails, I won't feel guilty about ditching him! It sounds cruel but it's true: there is comfort in knowing the let-down would be easy. 

But you know when you have a feeling about someone? And it turns out to be right? And it's surprising but at the same time, not all that surprising?

Well, I bit the bullet and met my Cali-buddy on a whim Sunday afternoon. Let me tell you: it was really, really, really nice to hang out with someone new who was fun and normal and cool and straight-forward and relaxed.

I love the whole "Hey, I'm free today. Are you free? Wanna hang? Sure. How about right now? Let's do it!" Don't you?

For the record, he didn't steal my heart. But maybe he could one day.

A Word on Advice

Sigh. Advice.

So often we receive it without warrant. Sometimes we'll go looking for it, but only the stuff that supports our decision. Then other times we take that advice and think later maybe it was wrong.

I've found advice is often predictable, and mostly unhelpful. And boy, people love to hand it out, don't they. What's worse? I love to hear advice. I look for it. I share my most personal, gut wrenching situations with too many people so I can hear their response. It's like I need the majority behind me before I can act on my own.

I've just figured all of this out. I know best. The only advice I should be seeking is that from the people who know me best, who can anticipate a decision I will make and guide me to it. Sometimes their opinions will intercede just a bit, but mostly they want me to feel happy with whatever I choose.

Advice is a dangerous thing for people like me, so easily swayed by others' opinions.

How do you feel about advice? Does it help or hinder you? Or perhaps you're impervious? (Jealous!)

Let's Talk About Hot Guys

My vote for hottest US men's soccer player is:

Tim Howard  - Clearly, Howard is the best looking of the bunch.  He's so rough and tumble and tall and swagger-y and he has a great complexion.

Honorable Mentions:

Clint Dempsey  - I like his style.

Carlos Bocanegra - Extremely attractive but a little timid and his teeth are kind of weird.

Oguchi Onyewu - Mighty hot but I loathe his current facial hair.

Oh, and Landon Donovan is right out. He's too leprechauny for my taste.

photo link here

Let's Talk About Hot Guys

I like this picture. That's all.

Photo courtesy of The Sartorialist

Link Time!

Check out the following article on Match.com.

Are You Being Too Picky?

Basically the author advises us that attractiveness is not an acceptable quality to look for in a potential match. We should only judge matches on non-physical attributes: three attributes to be precise. If a match hits all three after the first date, he is entitled to another. No matter what.

I get it. The author is assuming we don't give matches a sufficient shot at a connection. It's easy to believe first impressions--but is that wrong? Maybe chemistry and physical attraction aren't present from the moment you meet. For the record, I've been on dates--too many dates--with guys that were nice and charismatic and funny and smart and definitely like-able. I didn't want them. I should want them, right? I don't think it's too much to ask.

Bottom line: Listen to your gut. 

Guess What? I Got Hotter!

Guess who sent me an email today? OKCupid! And guess what they wanted to tell me?? I got hotter! Read the message:

We are very pleased to report that you are in the top half of OkCupid's most attractive users. The scales recently tipped in your favor, and we thought you'd like to know.

How can we say this with confidence? We've tracked click-thrus on your photo and analyzed other people's reactions to you in QuickMatch and Quiver.

Your new elite status comes with one important privilege:

You will now see more attractive people in your match results.

This new status won't affect your actual match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match's answers. But the people we recommend will be more attractive. Also! You'll be shown to more attractive people in their match results.

Awesome! I'm hot! I'm in the elite club! No longer a member of the OKC bourgeoisie! Oh, wait. They statistically calculated my attractiveness? And didn't tell me? Until they thought I was attractive? Or as they put it "the scales tipped in my favor"? How subversive. How tricksy. How demeaning.

And yet... I can't help this feeling of immense accomplishment. I just got offered the black Amex of OKCupid. Wow! I'm hot!



P.S. The email starts with [my profile picture] = good looking. HA! What a joke.

I Care About Pants

So there's been a hottie at work recently. He appears to be a tutor of degenerate boys. He is a sharp dresser: creased dress slacks, crisp shirt, shiny belt, clean face, smart glasses. Boy, does he play the part well.

I started gabbing about him to a few of my co-workers. "Who? There's a hot tutor? Is he your friend or something? What's his name?" No! He's just a hot guy! He's the tutor that comes in who's hot! I don't know who he is! Gosh!

The other day I gave a heads up to a co-worker that the hot tutor was in-house. Guess what? He walks by and to my horror he's wearing corduroy pants--pleated, tan, wide-wale corduroy pants realistically about 2 sizes too big. My hot tutor was dressed like a total fashion incompetent.

As my fantasy disintegrated, my co-worker just shook her head and said, Don't judge a book by it's cover. Sigh. I know. Maybe he just doesn't have any business-casual pieces in his wardrobe.

How Not to Message a Match: Language Barrier

Or maybe you think not knowing how to write in english is cute?

OK here is the deal; I do not know what to say about why i am here. I'd be greatful if I could just find a pen pal or a friend. I do have PICs, just they are very difficult to put on to the site, or well I am having serious problems putting them on, but I do have them.

Now, as for a little about me. I am a regular laid back kind of guy very easy going. I can get comfortable or get into almost anything. I am a big nerd at heart, something I do not think I ever will grow out of. I also kind of think I am like Peter Pan...LOL!!!!

I am shy, introvert, protective...who hates to see any of his friends hurt or in trouble. I think I am a good friend to have.

In the end I guess I can say I am the Beast who knows there is a Prince in there somewhere waiting to escape, desperately wanting to be free, the only problem is; I wish I could sometimes see myself as others claim they have seen me, as the great person I am, but I find it very difficult at times. I see what other people see some times, but not all and I do not know who, what, or how for that matter to let him out, but I wish I when I brought him out he was there on a permanent basis.

my modeling/acting job takes off soon. I know it is a tough industry to break into, but I have a feeling the oppotunity is right around the corner. I am also looking into going back to school to finish my bachelors in English Lit, but at the same time am looking to possible going into the Law field or the
Pharmaceutical field

I think I am a good listener and I am good at what I write from Poems, Stories, Songs, plays, scripts and the like

Books: I like anything by Silver Raven Wolf or DJ Conway. I also like a book series that I believed is based out of the Dungeons and Dragons world. One of the series is called "Forgotten Realms." I also very much like Edgar Allan Poe and all of his works.

There are points where I would like to trade brains with Albert Einstein, Mozart,Humphrey Bogart, or Leonardo Da Vinci. Or when I am not thinking about that stuff, I am thinking about now and what may be in my future, or what is down the road leading me to whatever future I choose.


So I'm mean. He's probably really sweet. The profile is still really funny.

How Not to Message a Match: Saying "Boobs" Cont'd...

The boobs guy was quoting a movie. Does that make it any better?

Link Time!

Apparently, smart men are less likely than dumb ones to cheat on lovers. Go figure.

How Not to Message a Match: Saying "Boobs"

I like your boobs.


Trashy! Your momma should've raised you better.

Profile No-No: Language Problems

I "talked" to a rugby player from South Africa today. He was hot.

Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. HOT.

There was some early confusion in our conversation but that was all glossed over when he said I had nice legs and a killer body. Then he repeated himself a few more times. And yes, I was wondering why he was talking to me, 8000 miles away in New England. Who knows and who cares, I say. His profile was hilarious and his photos were nice to ogle.


My Self-Summary
Hey almal.Dit is lekker om julle te ontmoet. Hoop julle geniet julle dag,en as jy dalk a goeie buddy soek is ek hier jy hoefi eers te twyfel nie.hehehehe

Hey everybody, Nice to meet u all.IM a really cool man and like sports and camping,movies and music.And i am crazy about rugby im still playing today thou. Thanx for joining me.

I am friendly, Happy, and honest person

What I’m doing with my life
Work at GoodYear SA im a Staff Technical Engineer and still busy to study Achitecture.And i play Rugby for a living.Yeah!!!!!

I’m really good at
all sports,cooking,love makeing friends and how to make a women happy but still looking for that one person to make me happy.

The first things people usually notice about me
My nice teeth and my ass.(Haha) And my nice personality

My favorite books, movies, music, and food
Jake White's Book. Pearl Harbour Movie, Like alsorts of music, and Yummy best of all food,pizza,burgers,my moms food.Dont worry im well build so im not fat at all.

The six things I could never do without
God,My Bible,Wallet,Cellphone,my friends

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Life,nature,where will i be in 10 years time.

On a typical Friday night I am
chilling with friends or go out clubbing.Yeahhhhhhhhh

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have a 6 pack and hmmmmmmm.

You should message me if
if u like what u see and if u are willing to be friendz and nice

He was hot, though. Did I mention that?

Profile No-No: Calling Girls "Merchandise"

I'm just here for the forums and to look around at the merchandise. ;)

Um... bad opener, dude. 

Dressing With Style

Isn't he COOL? He's wearing suspenders, polka-dots, 80's hair, AND a tattoo! And he's COOL!

Photo courtesy of The Sartorialist

How Not to Message a Match: Bad Jokes

I like jokes: bad jokes, good jokes, silly jokes. I don't like words that are supposed to turn into a joke but aren't funny. Maybe that's the same as a bad joke. Maybe not.

Anyway, read this and tell me if you wouldn't be confused finding it in your message inbox.

I'm really happy for you, imma let you finish, but I have one of the best OKCupid profiles of all time...

couldn't resist parodying the taylor swift VMA fiasco...

how has your spring been going? Get back to me if you would like a conversation.


The first thing I thought when I read this message: why is he interrupting me? The second thing: I never gave him the opportunity to interrupt me because I haven't talked to this guy.

So why is he reenacting Kanye's jack-assery? Not sure, but it doesn't work for me.

Oh, and maybe you're wondering--he doesn't have one of the best profiles of all time.

Do You Spy On The Competition?

For those of you with an online dating account, do you check your competition? As in (assuming you're a lady who's into men) do you check out the other hetero girls within a 15 mile radius of yourself?

I've done it a few times. It's interesting how many people I recognize. Then I get paranoid that the girls will start hitting on me for checking out their profiles. Or even recognize me.

There are a lot of single people out there. Most of the good ones aren't online though. Oops, I didn't say that.

photo link here

And Your Thoughts?

How do you feel about dudes with tattoos... of naked girls?

I don't like it and I don't get it.

How to Message a Match: Now I'm Just Gloating

hey there i find you amazing and beautiful and i haven't even talked to you yet hmmmm but i know you will give me the pleasure

I think he made me blush.

How to Message a Match: Another Winner

Hi,
I just wanted to say that you are awesome, I'm quite sure. I'll message you again later.


I like this.

Profile No-No: Dated Photos

Isn't it a little funny that there are people out there who will post photos from back in the day on their profiles? Like not just back in the day but back in the day, you know? Photos from high school are just not appropriate. I can tell the picture isn't new! If it is new, that's weirder. And childhood photos just don't belong. The picture albums are supposed to come out later. Like after I decide I like you as you are now.

Bottom Line: Everyone looks cute as a kid so if you're trying to trick me into thinking you're still attractive, it won't work! I'm on to your conniving ways!

Can We Be Friends? A Further Note

Can a man and a woman ever just be friends?

For a short time perhaps. Making the friendship last requires that you find each other at least vaguely repulsive. Good luck!

-Quote from "Answered! Life's 25 Toughest Questions", a Reader's Digest Magazine article

When Cute Just Doesn't Cut It

I'm kind of tired of cute. While we're at it let's throw out pretty. How about we raise the compliment bar? Here are some great adjectives that are under used.

• radiant
• enchanting
• steamy
• bewitching
• foxy
• ravishing
• stunning
• fetching
• delicious
• gorgeous
• divine
• engaging
• captivating
• breath-taking
• beautiful (totally classic and won't ever get old)

Link Time! Again!

Christina Hendrick's Dating-isms for Men

Christina seems so nice and honest and smoky-hot.  She is a present day Marilyn. Her comments are smart in this article. I especially related to the one about storing away all the comments my man says about my body. She's right, it doesn't matter if it's a compliment or a comment--everything gets filed away into a steel box in my mind. And I'll even remember what he was wearing and where we were standing when he said it.

This brings me to a grander point. For women, everything is connected. Words are linked to time and place and people and emotion and situation. For men, stuff just happens. Guys say things and most of the time they're not thinking too hard. I think I'll delve into this topic in another post soon.

Link Time!

Things I wish I'd known about dating when I was 21

My 6 Safety-Date Tips

1) Be conscious of all the personal information you reveal on your profile and in messages. This includes basics like your name and hometown, but also your job and your favorite hangouts.

2) Be careful about handing out your personal email and phone number. Never give away personal information too soon. It's not a bad idea to have an email account you only use for your potential dates. If your dates turn out skeevy, you can choose to never see them again--all the better if they don't know how to reach you.

3)  It's safer to be a little skeptical of everyone you find. Are his profile pictures dated? Does he look older than he writes? Does his profile seem a little ridiculous to believe? It's easy to create a desired image through words. You have no access to their body language, their surroundings, their vibe. Be cautious.

4) Trust your instincts. This one may be the most important, but also not everyone is good at it. Seriously, trust the vibe you get from people--usually it's right. If you think he's holding back information or deceiving you in some way, you're probably right.

5) Meet people only when and if you feel comfortable. Don't ever feel pressured to meet someone because you should. Do it only if you want! There's no rule that says you have to give every guy a date.

6) If you do meet someone, remember he's basically a stranger. Meet in a public place preferably during the day. Someone should know where you are. I've had friends come WITH me, and sit at another table just to help me feel safer. This bit isn't necessary but I had an off feeling about the guy and my friends offered to hang out like 4 tables away.

More links: Match's Safety Tips for Dating, Safer Dates, Dating Safely

Online Friending?

Does anyone use dating websites to seriously find friends?

All the sites make it an option. Who joins a dating website to just meet ... people? I don't want to meet people. I want to meet my soul mate, which is actually far more ridiculous. If we're being honest, I joined an online dating website to not meet people. I like the attention. Enough about me, though.

What does it mean if someone's profile says he's interested in "friendship"? Is he looking for something sexual and fleeting? Playing hard to get? Maybe he just wants the ego-stroking emails... like other people I know...

Link Time!

Transform a Friendship into... LOVE!

So should I stop calling that guy I like dude? When you're not interested in a guy friend, you'll call him pal or buddy or... dude. Maybe playing cool isn't all it's cracked up to be. Maybe the way to a man's heart is by wearing yours on your sleeve.

Have you ever had a friendship that you wished was more? Would the tricks in the article help you change it around?

Profile No-No: Appearing... Dumb

My Self-Summary
looking to hang out possible relationship
live in northampton mass
interested I'm meeting new people relationship i like walking my dog and workin out

What I’m doing with my life
working construction

I’m really good at
being tottaly honest and lots of thing and talk about when we talk in person ever ones good at things

The first things people usually notice about me
no sure but maybee i ask someone becouse i hope they just notice im decent person

My favorite books, movies, music, and food
lots mostly just movies trying too get in to reading rather be outside anyway

The six things I could never do without
my dog and family basics

I spend a lot of time thinking about
trying to have a good future

On a typical Friday night I am
just realaxing or going for walk outside or a drive taking out the dog what ever seems good or comes aloung hopefully not alone

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
i gey lonely lately

You should message me if

you wanna talk seriouse about make getting together

As if that profile couldn't win me over, his message gave me even more information. The subject line read, "hi im 33 in northampton mass". The message said, "hi im 33 in northampton mass". Cool!

And Your Thoughts?

How do you feel about guys with earrings?

photo link here

Link Time!

10 Places to Meet Men

This is the advice I was looking for last night but I'm not sure if I agree with all of the ideas in this article. Dining out isn't going to work. Car shows are a smart idea... If you're in the market for a man, take a look. Tell me what you think. Do you have any great pick up spots?

How to Read a Profile

Watch out for men who want to cuddle.
Wanting to cuddle with a special girl and declaring in your profile that you love to cuddle are two different things. I love a guy who holds me a lot. I am not interested in a guy who blasts such a claim in his profile for everyone to read. Don't try so hard to convince us you have what we want. This works along the "Stop trying so hard all together" tack.

NOTE: snuggle > cuddle


photo link here

How Not to Message a Match: Really Ridiculous Spelling Errors

Four words are sometimes enough to judge a person. Case in point: the following message sent by a Tall, Dark, and Hansom 19 year old who missed some schooling. I'm quoting him on that-- not handsome, but hansom.

Hay
babe wats up

He had me at Hay.

Profile No-No: Multiple Paragraphs

Guys! Stop writing so much in your profiles!

Actually--girls! Stop it, too!

I know, you want to tell everyone out there all of your wonderful qualities and, darn, once you get started it's just so hard to stop. Stop! Find another outlet! Dating sites are not the space to glorify yourself. Get a blog! That's kind of what I did... Back to the point! I'm tired of scrolling down to the About Me section to find paragraphs of information on dreams and family problems and favorite... everything. Guys: do you really have the time, energy, and daftness to share so much about yourself with ANY girl who passes over your page? You might as well clear it all and write "I am desperate for some girl to read all this and laugh and love me. Any girl. You? Please?". GAH!

Bottom line: Gentlemen, I'll stop using so many exclamation points if you stop saying so much about yourselves.

How to Read a Profile

Beware of men with long hair.

I mean, seriously--it's weird. I'm not talking about shaggy hair or cool slicked-back hair that hits below the ears. I'm talking past the shoulders. Think Fabio, think Taylor Lautner werewolf-Twilight style,  think girl.  If I could mistake you for a girl, I'm not interested. What is up with that style anyway? Is it the manly "if I can grow it, I shall" mentality gone too far? Is it an aspiration to resemble Legolas? Or a medieval knight?

Fine. I admit this is a totally superficial post. Feel free to disagree with my opinion, as usual. I just wanted to talk about it for a second since I found a profile this morning of what I thought was a girl but turned out to be a dude with extremely long curly locks. Gross. Or power to him, I guess.

Communication Breakdown

Down with technology!

Online talking is well and good until, oh wait--it's not anymore. Fake* communication, if not balanced by real communication, results in a relationship chasm. Chasms are bad. People fall into them and die. Or more likely, they're deemed un-passable and mission is cancelled. The metaphor works.

Experience has taught me that human contact is integral to forming a meaningful relationship. Go ahead: call me insightful. So how does all this technology hinder our relationships? Knowing someone isn't about getting her answers to personal questions or being able to comment on her current facebook status. Knowing someone is what happens after you've been around her for a while. Do you know her facial expressions? Do you know her weaknesses? Her strengths? Do you know when she's lying? When she's avoiding you? When she's happy? To see YOU!? Knowing happens over time, and knowing happens in person.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there are people capable of forming strong ties with typed words. I have had no such success. With so many methods of communication, humans have become lazy and complacent. Men have become lazy and complacent. Women have let them. I have let them.

Why should I expect him to ask me out when he can contact me without putting himself on the line? Because I'm worth more. Because you are worth more. Because good women are worth the effort, worth the risk, worth the embarrassment, worth the possibility of rejection. A good man knows that. A good man tries.

Bottom Line: Typing does not boyfriends make. Conversations without physical presence lead to relationships without physical presence...Wow. How obvious is that?

*Fake communication refers to communication without personal contact: texting, aiming, facebooking, and whatever else kids do these days.

How to Message a Match: Compliment Me--A Lot!

Maybe you'll find this one over the top. It is a bit showy (his heart stopped dead?) and it certainly breaks that rule of mine about keeping it short and sweet. But gosh, I am a big fan of this email. I might just read it again a few times... right... now

So here's my dilemma. Do I compliment you on having the most luminescent smile I've seen in ages? (I'm a sucker for a beautiful smile, and yours just made my heart stop dead). Or do I give you kudos for the Mr. Big reference? (I've also been known to belt that one out in a Karaoke bar, but probably don't do it as much justice as you do). Or do I mention how much I love "dog people"? Or how much I adore tall women? Or should I compliment you for having the most original and funny screen name on the site?

In all honesty, I think it was the smile that really got me more than anything, and everything else was a bonus. I'm sure with a smile like that, you get inundated with emails like this, so please don't feel obligated to reply. I just felt compelled to write something, because.... damn, that smile and those cheekbones completely nailed me, and caused a big smile to break out on my own face.

Anyway, I wish you all the very best and I'm sure that with your smile and your wonderful sense of humor, you will find exactly what it is you're looking for, and he will be one incredibly lucky man.

xxx
Tony

Mantasies: The Policeman

Maybe you think of bad strippers. Maybe you think of old men and donuts. I think of strong protective figures who aren't corrupted by politics and money... cough. I used to say I would date a police officer one day but I've grown out of that dream, after meeting a few. Also, I've heard that police officers are statistically the most likely to cheat on their wives. I need fidelity in my fantasies.

photo link here

How to Message a Match: Compliment Me!

This was a really nice email.

when a girl puts her hair up with a pencil, parts of my brain malfunction in the nicest way.

normally when i compose a message, im a million times more verbose, but im not feeling very well. thus, i'll take the more direct approach and say that you seem both cute and interesting. congratulations. its a very nice combination to have.

robert

Thanks, Robert!