Bartender

I went on a date with a bartender. Two dates, actually. He asked me out. I'm pretty sure I'm living in a slightly obnoxious romantic comedy.

See, the thing is I went on a blind date at this bar and the bartender there, well I remembered him from a night a month or so ago. He was a sky-diver and his name was Scotty. That's how I remembered his name. He was easy to talk to and sort of fun and it was cool to KNOW a bartender. I think he recognized me that night, sitting next to this awful date at the bar.

The date? He was a talker. This was a really cliched scene from my movie. Girl meets guy, girl has high hopes, guy is nuts. Every time I wanted to say something, my mouth would open and I'd make a noise--bringing the word to my lips. I would be AUDIBLE noise, mind you. The sort of noise a person makes that ques the "listener" (this guy was not one) to listen. TO LISTEN. Every time I wanted to say something, he beat me to it and already launched into a new topic. The weather. His college days. His new jobs. His lack of free time, friends, money, girlfriend. How his father got his job. God. There was no end. And sometimes I had a lot to say!

There was one great moment when I was responding to something he said about making friends. I was saying one of those things that is just supporting the other person, keep him talking. That IS what I was reduced to after about 20 minutes. I was nodding and said, "Yeah, how do you make friends? Just say hey, I you seem cool..." Date guy thought I was calling him cool. He thanked me enthusiastically. I had to go.

While I was sitting there I noticed bartender and wished my date would just leave and I could talk to him. He seemed cooler and more fun. I even thought about sneaking back in after calling it quits with date guy. But I didn't. I went to Whole Foods, my happy single place.

I went back to the bar the next day with my roommate after hitting a local festival. Bartender saw me, remembered me and talked to me. He liked me. Instantly I had a crush on bartender. I went back a few times, deciding maybe sometime I'd work up the nerve to ask to hang out.

One night, I went in alone. He wasn't working but I played it cool. I worked on my crossword puzzle and drank a beer squeezed between two strangers. Low and behold bartender showed up and flirted with me. He asked me out that night. He asked me out. HE. ASKED. ME. OUT.

It was magic. It was beautiful. I was amazed at how life happens. He asked me out and he was sweet and gentlemanly and fun and gallant.

How did it end? He was invasive with his tongue and I started comparing him to my ex-boyfriend and I stopped being excited. The third date didn't happen. You never know how it'll go, I guess.

Fighting or Surrenduring

Loneliness.

Fight the feelings. Get outside--the outdoors trigger some sort of hormone or science thing that makes you happy or something. Take a bike ride! Take a bike ride to that fantastic coffee shop that you haven't been to in a while. You know the one--the one with the massive chalk boards that you love ogling? The one that you always tell people you love but you don't go to enough. Get a coffee and revel in not having to do any work. Read a book--get lost. Do a crossword puzzle--challenge your mind.

Whole Foods is a happy place. Go there! Walk through the pretty aisles, gaze at the sale signs and all the bins of shiny foods. Look for a familiar face. Poke the figs. Buy them for fuck's sake! Who cares? Why not? They're on SALE! Just DO something DIFFERENT. Bike there and buy stuff and put it in your bag that you brought because you're so eco-friendly and thoughtful. Bike home. Be an adult.

Make yourself dinner. Put on a fucking movie. Make a fucking drink. That's what adults do. Eat the cookie that you bought at Whole Foods even though it probably has 1200 calories in it. Then feel guilty because you also want to eat ice cream. Ice cream covered in chocolate sauce and almonds and coconut. Then pile those dishes in the sink. There. A mess. Something to clean up. Something constructive to do. Sit on the couch and wait to start caring what happens in the movie. I hope you're wearing next to nothing, relishing the opportunity of an empty house. Admire your red toe nails and your smooth skin and you're flatter tummy (even with all that sugar and peanut butter being consumed daily).

Don't feel sorry for yourself! Feel empowered! You can do whatever you feel like. Pull out a post-it note and write down those things you want to do that you're afraid to do. They will give you confidence. Write them down. Brainstorm more! Google "bucket list for single girls" and "things to do before your 30". Shit. You've done a lot of those things.  Fuck it. Go back to the movie. Maybe it's interesting now.

Go on facebook and try not to obsess over how many people are getting married this weekend. It's not a big deal. It happens when it happens and certainly not too LATE for you. God no. Do you want children? No, no, stop that. You don't have to think about that right now. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. It's ok. So much time to decide. Yeah you do, actually. You want kids. You really want kids.  But thank god you don't have to deal with them yet.

Maybe it's time for bed. Before you get "hungry" enough to eat something else, like the rest of that cookie or the rest of that ice cream or more peanut butter. Shit. Peanut butter is so good. Don't bite your nails. Don't do it. Go to bed. You're tired. You had a busy day.

I miss being with someone.