Can You Judge People By... Their Tattoos?

What does it mean if someone has covered his/her arms in tattoos? Doesn't it mean something, to change the nature of the skin permanently in a way that is still somewhat taboo? Does it mean a rebellious nature? Necessity to prove one's individuality? Is it an appreciation for drawn art in the most personal and permanent form? Is it a social thing?

I can't figure out if excessive tattooing affects my attraction to someone. And if it does, why. There's an edginess that can be appealing. Yet I have always been attracted to clean, simple, natural beauty. Maybe I just don't like how it looks.

Thoughts?


you can purchase the above tattoo shirt here

Profile No-No: Lots-O-One-Liners

In a way even these one-liners indicate what kind of person you are. Or maybe you're not really a douche-bag. Oh well. Someone else must find this profile funny. I think it's obnoxious.

My Self-Summary

Hello there :)

I live life vicariously, through myself.
I am extremely passionate, motivated, and genuine.
My personality is so magnetic, that I am not able to carry credit
cards.
I am a lover not a fighter.
I am a pretty adventurous and easy going guy looking to go
out.
If I were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get
there.
The pheromones I secrete have been known to affect people miles
away. In a slight, but measurable way.
My Blood smells like cologne.
My hands feel like rich, brown swede.
The police often question me, just because they find me
interesting.
My charm is so contagious, vaccines have been created for it.
Alien abductors have asked me to, probe them.

What I’m doing with my life
I am living my ambition to be a bum!

I’m really good atI could disarm you with my looks or my hands, either way.
I am the only man to ever ace a Rorschach test.
Also great at:
- Sport
- Talking/Listening
- Piano
- Being me.
- Speaking my mind.

The first things people usually notice about me
I would say most people notice that I am open minded. I am outgoing
to the point where I am warm and friendly. :) I enjoy meeting new
people.

Every time I go for a swim, dolphins appear.
Even my enemies list me as their emergency contact number.
I am left handed, and right handed.

In all seriousness, I am extremely modest and respectful.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food
I enjoy a variety of music. I listen to contemporary pop when
running or working out. I also enjoy White Panda, Super Mash Bros.,
Hypercrush, DMB, Divide & Kreate, Girl Talk, Matt & Kim,
Kings of Leon, and Rythms del Mundo Cuba.

Food-
I never say something tastes like chicken, not even chicken.
I don't use oven timers, I tell the food when it's done.

The six things I could never do without
1. Running Shoes
2. Blackberry
3. Family/Friends
4. Tennis Racket
5. Music
6. Car

I spend a lot of time thinking about
the plight of the world, my future, and others.
I once had an awkward moment, just see to see what it feels
like.
People hang on my every word, even the prepositions.

On a typical Friday night I am
I am the life of the party, that I never went to.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
My face alone has experienced more than a lesser man's entire
body.
When I go to sleep, sheep count me.
I once called a wrong number, even though the person on the other
end wouldn't admit it.

When It's Good It's Good

Don't settle for idiots or assholes. Good guys are worth waiting around for. They don't let you wonder, they don't confuse you; they make you happy, they make you feel comfortable. It's pretty nice.

Take it from me: good guys exist. I just hung out with one yesterday.

How Not to Message a Match: Lame Fest

I have not had a conversation with this guy before. He messaged me a few days ago saying something like, Why haven't you replied to my hellos? Will you say hi this time? Below is just a continuation of his lameness: a total lame fest.

Surprisingly, conversations like the following one are rather common. How do guys get like this? Do they think it's cute? Is this humor supposed to compensate for his lack of good looks? Because he's not even attractive. Yeah. He's not even a guy I'd want to look at, let alone provide alcohol to.

C: you should go to manchester
C: and call me

C: and, uh, buy be a drink lol. i have no money

Me: wow. probably not going to do that.

C: i know! no one will!

C: it's not going to be a fun night for me

Me: sorry

C: I bet!

C: you sound really sympathetic

Me: sorry

C: sorry

A Note on True Love

link here

Usernames Are Forever

angel10ilicious... for a dude? Maybe his name is Angel. And he tastes delicious.

This Is My Apology to Blue Shirt

I'm sorry that things didn't work out.

I'm sorry I didn't want to shift your stick. I'm sorry if you think I'm a tease. I'm sorry if I made you feel rejected or undesired or fooled. Because that's pretty much how I felt the other night.

I liked you a lot. I came over thinking we'd cut through all the bullshit and feel some kind of connection and, most definitely, fool around. Unfortunately, I learned that you just weren't that into me. That's a pretty big turn-off.

Maybe this could've been prevented if you had been honest with me.

Maybe this could've been prevented if I had been honest with myself.

Still, I don't regret it. I finally saw what was going on. And you know, it wasn't all a waste. That part where we were joking about my future thesis statement was pretty fun. Sometimes you seem to really care about what I'm saying. Tricky devil.

So yeah, I'm sorry things didn't go the way we had hoped. Part of me hopes you're sweet and gentlemanly with a girl you really like. Part of me wonders why you couldn't have been that way with me.

Thanks for inviting me over. You do have a great ass.

A Blind Date Story

I was thirty minutes late to my lunch date today.

I was that girl. I was the girl half an hour late to a date. You want to know why? Because I went to the wrong restaurant: the restaurant that was in my head, not the one we had agreed upon.

I pulled into the wrong sushi place ten minutes late as it was, then called him only to realize I'd input his phone number wrong into my cell. Seriously. No wonder he hadn't texted me back an hour earlier. To make matters worse I couldn't picture where the agreed-upon sushi restaurant was. Enter Panic Mode. 

I found it after another twenty minutes of scouring. Thank the heavenly beings. I will never stand someone up, even by mistake. Never.

I apologized far too many times, I think to the point where he probably couldn't think about anything else. Three times probably would've been sufficient.  I maxed out at about five or six. He was nice and our talking was nice but, for me, the date was tainted by my lateness.

Bottom Line: Mistakes happen and that doesn't make me a bitch but first impressions count for a lot. Shoot.

How Not to Message a Match: Whoa--Too Fast!

You're gorgeous! I know your profile says straight but would you ever consider playing with a girl? I happen to have a really good one on hand that would be thrilled to play with you :)

Errr... what?

How Not To Message A Match: Master English

omg
wooowww I am so impressive
your smile amazing

Don't send messages like this. Please.

A Blind Date Story

I met another guy last night.

I haven't been into the blind dates so much recently--they can be stressful and disappointing and uncomfortable. But what the hell. You don't meet people when you're not meeting people... right?

This date happened because it was last minute and really the bottom line was: no matter how horrid I could imagine him being, at least we could always talk about that music festival we both went to. Even if he's boring or asshole-y or weird-looking or old-looking or girl-looking, at least we both really like Iron & Wine and that's something. Turns out he was a pretty nice, normal dude (with a wonky tooth).

I've learned:

 - Go without any expectations.
 - You'll get to meet someone new, who's coming just to get to know you too. That's not a bad thing.
 - You can always leave early if he's a creep. You can leave whenever you want actually.
 - He might be cooler than you think. You might enjoy yourself.
 - Even if it's not fun, at least you get a story to tell.

How To Be Douchey

Are you wondering if your behavior is a little bit douchey? Would you do the following things?

- Invite a girl over late at night
- Invite a girl over and not come to the door when she arrives
- When a girl shows up at your house, let her wait awkwardly while you finish your computer game
- Try to put your hand down a girl's pants without kissing her first
- Continue the above behavior after the girl insists, "Why haven't you tried to kiss me yet?"
- Continue the above behavior and try to stick her hands down your pants
- When you don't get what you want, roll over and fall asleep
- In the morning say, "Well, thanks for coming over"
- Follow the above comment with, "Do you want me to walk you out? ...Or are you ok getting to the door?"

Yeah. You're a douche.

Profile No-No: Just Filling Space

Ugh. This habit of filling space in your profile is really starting to irritate me. If I scroll down to get a hint of your character, I don't want to run into crap like this. 

TIME TO FILL SPACE CAN I FILL SPACE YES I CAN FILL SPACE THIS IS SO EASY EVERYONE CAN GET TO A THOUSAND WORDS THIS WAY. EVERYONE LIKES PIZZA. WHO DOESN'T LIKE PIZZA, I LIKE EVERY KIND OF PIZZA, I LIKE TO TRY NEW EXOTIC PIZZAS, I MADE A PIZZA WITH BLEU CHEESE, PROSCIUTTO, APPLE SLICES AND FRESH MOZZARELLA. IT WAS AWESOME. WHY IS PROSCIUTTO SO EXSPENSIVE? THATS MY PROBLEM WITH STEAK, ITS NOT THAT I DONT LIKE STEAK IT'S THAT I JUST DONT SEE THE PRICE MEETING MY OVERALL ENJOYMENT OF THE MEAL. NO THANKS STEAK!

Granted, this dude went of on a tangent that looks somewhat entertaining. I didn't actually read all of it though--I was annoyed enough with the first few lines.

Strangers Are Scary

we should hang out sometime- we live close in distance which is a good thing. We could meet up and go for a walk or something if you are up to it. I would really like to get to know you more- wish you would give me a chance- besides- what do you have to lose??

This guy has been nudging me to meet him for about a month. I haven't spoken with him recently but he just sent me a message today. He seems like a nice enough guy but his desperation has put me off a bit. I don't meet a lot of guys from dating websites. I sit pretty far on the cautious/hesitant spectrum. Actually, in the past six months I've met one person and I just had a really good feeling about him. Mostly, it feels like a gamble. 

It's easy for some people to meet strangers. For me, there's a lot of pressure. Pressure on how to act, what to say and do, how to avoid the awkwardness of not being interested in your date or being let down. I'm still really bad at handling myself around guys I don't know who have a hard on for me.

This date: I don't want to say no but I don't want to say yes either. Dating is hard, yo.

How to Read a Profile

I know it says [that I'm interested in] casual sex but that's a joke.

Um... really. 

How Not To Message A Match: Wait 2 Years (Or Months)

Who takes 2 months to respond to a message? This guy named... Brian. You never can trust Brians to respond in a timely fashion. I just got a note that says,

"It took like 2 years to reply but... how's it going? lol."

Yep. He said lol. Smooth.

So I went back and checked how our conversation was left off, and when. Two months. So I reread our conversation just for giggles, perhaps he came off as a jerk from the beginning? Well, he seemed nice except for--oh wait, his first reply took 2 weeks. And now here we are with his second response taking 2 months. Interesting. Does that mean if I write back now his third response will take 2 years?

The best part is he initiated this communication. I wonder if he treats everyone like he treats me. My question: how do I indicate his etiquette is lame without actually coming out and saying so?

Story Time: Getting Hit On

Today I ran into my friendly Fed-Ex delivery service person at work. He has the hots for me. How do I know this? The first time I met he confessed right before walking out the door that I had beautiful eyes. Sweet? Maybe if it hadn't just followed the terribly incriminating question, "Are you all alone back here?" That one pretty much put me on edge.

So I was lucky enough to catch sight of Fed-Ex shrimp before he walked through the front doors. I fled the front desk leaving my trusty companions to hold down the fort and presumably sign for whatever precious package was in Fed-Ex nut's arms. No luck. No god-damned freaking luck.

He caught sight of my fleeing motion and followed me into the stacks, package in hand. Then he asked me how I was doing and I said Ok and he said, Oh just Ok? That's all right then I guess... He kept talking but I can't remember what he said. I focused on signing my name illegibly. He asked for my last name, too--which is not particularly offending considering they have to ask for the signer's last name. But first of, I don't remember him asking before. Secondly, sharing any personal information with him felt like a violation of my privacy.

My co-worker was made awares of the situation upon my safe return to the front desk. He has offered that in the future, when I give him a "certain kind of look" he will proceed to flirt with the Fed-Ex creep enlisting in a deadly game of "Who's Uncomfortable Now". He claims he will excel at it. Should be epic.

photo link here

Usernames Are Forever

Here are some good ones:

Schappstick 
Boyonabike
Girafferider 
Snugglers 
AmazingBrace

You Are Very Attracted To Me... Yes, You Want To Date Me...

This week I was approached by an illusionist* and a hypnotist. I swear it. Two other-worldly professionals. One week. Uncanny, really. Maybe it's a sign?

Browsing through illusionistjohn's profile, I never would've guessed what movie is on his favorites list: The Illusionist! Now that's poetic. Anyway, John seems like a decent guy and all but if having a weird career wasn't, well, weird enough I could never go for a guy 5 inches shorter than me. And yet, maybe he can make himself appear taller? Boom.

Mr. Hypnotist: he was interesting. He started a conversation on the topic of his profession, because really he knows he has to get that out of the way. I wasn't exactly sold.

Hypno: Have you ever been to a hypnotist?
Moi: No... I don't think so.
Hypno: You should.
Moi: Um, not at this stage in my life. Maybe some day.
Hypno: It's fun.
Moi: Oh, ok. Good to know.
Hypno: I could hypnotize you.
Moi: Time for dinner! Take care!

Next up? I'm hoping for an astrologist. Seriously. I know my stars. We'd have things to discuss, man.

*NOT magician. Very important difference.

photo link here

The Joy of Fake Profiles

I stumbled upon the photo of a 14 year old boy in my matches today. He claims he's 26, which is just ridiculous when you look like Justin Bieber crossed with a young version of that Nick guy from Backstreet Boys. Clearly I had to read his profile. Not to repeat myself but, oh, the joy of fake profiles!

RIPPEDTOTHEMAX (screenname)

Hello my name is Eric. People tell me that I have a good sense of humor,I'm very outgoing,and past girlfriends have told me I was a great lover. I'm trying to settle down in my wild life and find the right woman for me. Going to collage part time and working as an exotic dancer to help pay my bills. I am really good at sex,dancing,and having a good time. I think that I am a closet homosexual or Bi sexual but I am still interested in a woman.

Let's Talk About Hot Guys

This one's nice. I like how closely his shirt fits.

Photo courtesy of The Sartorialist

Usernames Are Forever

A buddy of mine found a good one:

GodKnowRight4U

Usernames Are Forever

Oooooo--DementedEvil could be just the guy I'm looking for!

Profile No-No: So You Have To Try A Little

This guy has close to no motivation. "Cutting wood" may be the most insightful piece of information he offers. The magic happens when he mentions "dirty mags". 

My Self-Summary
i joke around a lot and work

What I’m doing with my life
working 2 pay bills

I’m really good at
cutting wood

The first things people usually notice about me
idk

My favorite books, movies, music, and food
dont have ne

The six things I could never do without
my dogs dirty mags shower family job and money

I spend a lot of time thinking about
everything

On a typical Friday night I am
at the bar

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
not sure

You should message me if
if u want 2

Finding A Hot Sweetheart

Why are we attracted to assholes and not nice guys? HmmmmMMMMMM?!

It  has been a recurring pondering of mine: if faced with the choice, would I choose jerk or sweet? I've always said sweet... but what if you were really attracted to the jerk? It's hard to confront the truth about someone, especially if there's chemistry. Even if he's not a full-on double jerk all the way across the sky, if he's just not that into you... well, that's not so great either.

There's a balance that needs to exist between two individuals. A balance of attractiveness, intelligence, confidence, attentiveness, and attraction. You need to be just as into a dude as he is into you. Is it possible? Maybe not exactly but it should come close and it never hurts for the guy to be just a little bit more into you. I've had a miserable time finding this balance. Boo.

The guys who just aren't that into me are assholes and the guys that I'm not into are nice. I want someone in between: a hot sweetheart. Finding one is causing me trouble. Is this a problem for anyone else?

Usernames Are Forever

GayCyborgNinja.

Yeah. Wow. Awesome.

Usernames Are Forever

My buddy said it best,

Why is there an obsession with using the word "taco" in screen names?