Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she won't suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when the person looks back--she will hear her heart.
-Paul Coelho
If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances.
-Julia Soul
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
-C. S. Lewis
Heartbreak is a good sign. It means that you're living and taking chances; growing and staying honest with yourself; remaining open to the love that will bring you great happiness.
Sunday, February 27
Thursday, February 24
Dating As We Know It Doesn't Work
Just browsing some blogs and I found a very intriguing title, "How to Make Dating Work for You". Yeah, boy! I want some of that!
The dating scene doesn’t work. Wayne Dyer said, “We don’t get what we want, we get who we are.” When singles meet, they don’t really see each other, they talk but don’t feel heard, reach out but don’t feel connected.
So that's why I'm so sick of dating! There's so much judging and pretending and chest-puffing and analyzing you don't actually get to know someone. There's no real friendly acceptance and openness, it's just a big test--that doesn't work!
Then I read this part:
Wanting and having can’t exist in the same space. You need to be able to move out of wanting into having in order to manifest a relationship.
Ah-ha. So I can't really make dating work, it happens when I don't plan for it. Well, ain't that the truth.
The dating scene doesn’t work. Wayne Dyer said, “We don’t get what we want, we get who we are.” When singles meet, they don’t really see each other, they talk but don’t feel heard, reach out but don’t feel connected.
So that's why I'm so sick of dating! There's so much judging and pretending and chest-puffing and analyzing you don't actually get to know someone. There's no real friendly acceptance and openness, it's just a big test--that doesn't work!
Then I read this part:
Wanting and having can’t exist in the same space. You need to be able to move out of wanting into having in order to manifest a relationship.
Ah-ha. So I can't really make dating work, it happens when I don't plan for it. Well, ain't that the truth.
Wednesday, February 23
Choose Your Favorite Man Part
a) Arms (I love some nice forearms)
b) Shoulders/back (A man's most mannish feature, in my opinion)
c) Butt (A popular choice)
d) Legs (Mmmm soccer man quads)
e) Chest/abs (The classic visage)
f) Other (...)
muscle man link here
Thursday, February 17
Oh, For F***'s Sake
This guy was so interested. He was super-interested*. So why hasn't he asked me out yet? Because guys are douche-baggy, follow-the-shiniest-thing-in-front-of-their-face, selfish liars.
Do not hassle me long enough to get me interested and then fall off the face of the planet.
At this point, I understand that the moment between us has vaporized. I still feel this driving force inside me to ask him what the hell happened. You're not allowed to be all about me for-like-ever, then forget about me! This does not follow appropriate protocol!
I demand a closing statement. How about:
"I'm sorry. Bad timing. I just hooked up with my slutty ex again."
Or...
"I was never really that into you. I was just bored."
Or...
"I was lying. Oops."
Or...
"I win! I got you to think I was a good guy! Tricked you, bitch!"
Can I send him a reprimanding email? Is that out of line? I've been stifling the impulse for a week but a snarky cloud of moral shaming is hovering above me.
*his words
Do not hassle me long enough to get me interested and then fall off the face of the planet.
At this point, I understand that the moment between us has vaporized. I still feel this driving force inside me to ask him what the hell happened. You're not allowed to be all about me for-like-ever, then forget about me! This does not follow appropriate protocol!
I demand a closing statement. How about:
"I'm sorry. Bad timing. I just hooked up with my slutty ex again."
Or...
"I was never really that into you. I was just bored."
Or...
"I was lying. Oops."
Or...
"I win! I got you to think I was a good guy! Tricked you, bitch!"
Can I send him a reprimanding email? Is that out of line? I've been stifling the impulse for a week but a snarky cloud of moral shaming is hovering above me.
*his words
Wednesday, February 16
Tuesday, February 15
Another Ridiculous Profile
Header:
Death came for me, I slamed the door in his face!
About me and who I'm looking for:
I am a very primative neanderthal, but I havent had chance to find my mate bash her over the head and drag her back to my cave. I guess that because I am a special person, at least thats what everyone tells me, I get to ride in the short bus every day! if you dont find that funny, sorry, well actually im not sorry, Im not a member so you will have to figure out how to email me its not hard add a 6 or dont based on your messenger of choice . I am a cancer survivor.... I recently battled non hodgekins lymphoma back down to nothing over the last 8 months. I fractured one of my vertebrea and I had to have back surgery as well, yay! Life is to hard and short to spend alone :) Im looking for the woman I will spend the rest of that life with.
for fun:
In my free time I enjoy.... Video games, music, movies, guess all the usual stuff for someone my age. I also enjoy going on little adventures to Haunted or wierd places and doing some amature filming along the way, its pretty lame but also very fun
my religion:
what is faith but a blind belief in an entity or entities, I think we have a couple polytheistic religons floating around there still. It exists to Control the masses through teachings of good works, but sometimes can give rise to zealotry oh boy
favorite hot spots:
uh I dont really go anywhere recently... but there is a place I frequent after work a little biker bar. not a biker here though. I also frequent haunts, see above.
He had me at slamed but his summary of religion really ices the cake. Or actually, maybe the icing was his description of bashing his mate over the head and dragging her back to his cave. But then again he does frequent haunts... hot, right? Maybe I love best that he's looking to find a women to spend the rest of his life with. Yep, nothing like knowing you'll be spending the rest of your days with this guy.
Death came for me, I slamed the door in his face!
About me and who I'm looking for:
I am a very primative neanderthal, but I havent had chance to find my mate bash her over the head and drag her back to my cave. I guess that because I am a special person, at least thats what everyone tells me, I get to ride in the short bus every day! if you dont find that funny, sorry, well actually im not sorry, Im not a member so you will have to figure out how to email me its not hard add a 6 or dont based on your messenger of choice . I am a cancer survivor.... I recently battled non hodgekins lymphoma back down to nothing over the last 8 months. I fractured one of my vertebrea and I had to have back surgery as well, yay! Life is to hard and short to spend alone :) Im looking for the woman I will spend the rest of that life with.
for fun:
In my free time I enjoy.... Video games, music, movies, guess all the usual stuff for someone my age. I also enjoy going on little adventures to Haunted or wierd places and doing some amature filming along the way, its pretty lame but also very fun
my religion:
what is faith but a blind belief in an entity or entities, I think we have a couple polytheistic religons floating around there still. It exists to Control the masses through teachings of good works, but sometimes can give rise to zealotry oh boy
favorite hot spots:
uh I dont really go anywhere recently... but there is a place I frequent after work a little biker bar. not a biker here though. I also frequent haunts, see above.
He had me at slamed but his summary of religion really ices the cake. Or actually, maybe the icing was his description of bashing his mate over the head and dragging her back to his cave. But then again he does frequent haunts... hot, right? Maybe I love best that he's looking to find a women to spend the rest of his life with. Yep, nothing like knowing you'll be spending the rest of your days with this guy.
Monday, February 14
Too Much Information Can Be Deadly
Let me just tell you: if you do any of this online dating stuff you will without doubt meet some unsettling characters. Always be careful about how many details you reveal to a stranger because after a week of chatting you might discover you never want to hear from him again.
So there was a fellow a while ago who was for a short time full of potential. He was funny and definitely smart--he never made any typos, even when using big words. I thought he was charming! His pictures cut him as a very attractive guy: someone I could follow with my eyes if I ever saw him on the street. We settled into a routine of chatting occasionally while we were both working, and then later in the evening if we were both around at home. This only went on for a week, mind you, but perhaps that was too long.
We had some nice things in common: a distaste for "Lost", reticence to become addicted to coffee, a love for corgis (the dogs with short legs and big ears). He always said he had the bad habit of putting his foot in his mouth. I didn't think much of a comment like that. I've met some great people (mostly guys) who are incapable of censoring what they say. I usually find it endearing. Well, I quickly realized how little I knew of this guy when he started sharing some very private information--very unattractive, private information.
Too much, too soon, my friend. It wasn't just a foot, he had shoved his entire leg into his mouth and I was thoroughly turned off. The ugliness of the secrets weren't so terrible on their own but combined, the affect was like a rug being pulled out from beneath me. How well did I know this guy? Not at all! I really started to question his stability, too. He had word-vomited things to me he'd only shared with a handful of other people in his life. Do I have to say how much that freaked me out? Lots.
We never met.
So there was a fellow a while ago who was for a short time full of potential. He was funny and definitely smart--he never made any typos, even when using big words. I thought he was charming! His pictures cut him as a very attractive guy: someone I could follow with my eyes if I ever saw him on the street. We settled into a routine of chatting occasionally while we were both working, and then later in the evening if we were both around at home. This only went on for a week, mind you, but perhaps that was too long.
We had some nice things in common: a distaste for "Lost", reticence to become addicted to coffee, a love for corgis (the dogs with short legs and big ears). He always said he had the bad habit of putting his foot in his mouth. I didn't think much of a comment like that. I've met some great people (mostly guys) who are incapable of censoring what they say. I usually find it endearing. Well, I quickly realized how little I knew of this guy when he started sharing some very private information--very unattractive, private information.
Too much, too soon, my friend. It wasn't just a foot, he had shoved his entire leg into his mouth and I was thoroughly turned off. The ugliness of the secrets weren't so terrible on their own but combined, the affect was like a rug being pulled out from beneath me. How well did I know this guy? Not at all! I really started to question his stability, too. He had word-vomited things to me he'd only shared with a handful of other people in his life. Do I have to say how much that freaked me out? Lots.
We never met.
Saturday, February 12
No Cupid Present
I ran the local Cupid's Chase 5k this morning. No single, hot men asked for my number. I was disappointed.
photo link here
Thursday, February 10
Usernames Are Forever
mendmyheartplease
Hmmm... comes off a wee-bit needy, no? I suppose some girls might go for that sort of thing. Not me.
Hmmm... comes off a wee-bit needy, no? I suppose some girls might go for that sort of thing. Not me.
Wednesday, February 9
Horseshoes And Hand Grenades
I'm feeling melancholy. I bet you can guess why--it's about a man friend of mine.
We had something platonic, something I could easily keep at a distance from heart. He is delightful and attractive and totally fun but, from the day I met him, I figured he would be just a friend. The situation as it is, wouldn't allow for much else anyway. I made the assumption that all he would be was fun: he was without risk. What a mistake.
We spent one night together and I haven't stopped thinking about him. I saw him since but only once. Is the distance between us imagined? Things feel different; like I'm jogging to keep up with him, or waving and jumping to catch his attention. Oh, it hurts. I didn't think he was capable of disappointing me. He is such a good guy. He was so taken by me...
There are a lot of guys out there and I keep learning that there are so many ways for a guy to not work. He was so close but you know what they say, close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
We had something platonic, something I could easily keep at a distance from heart. He is delightful and attractive and totally fun but, from the day I met him, I figured he would be just a friend. The situation as it is, wouldn't allow for much else anyway. I made the assumption that all he would be was fun: he was without risk. What a mistake.
We spent one night together and I haven't stopped thinking about him. I saw him since but only once. Is the distance between us imagined? Things feel different; like I'm jogging to keep up with him, or waving and jumping to catch his attention. Oh, it hurts. I didn't think he was capable of disappointing me. He is such a good guy. He was so taken by me...
There are a lot of guys out there and I keep learning that there are so many ways for a guy to not work. He was so close but you know what they say, close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
Tuesday, February 8
Dating and Farting?
There are 8 phases of dating, as the Oatmeal sees it. I just reread the comic and all I can think about is farting. Not actually farting right this second but how guys always talk about farting and how long to wait before you can fart in front of a girl. Yesterday I read something by Jason Mraz, "I think the word fiancé translates into Permission to fart in bed." The more intimate the farting, the more intimate the relationship.
We have an example of something good about being single.
photo link here
Monday, February 7
Lines That Don't Work on a Girl
You knock me out with those american thighs.*
*(said while slapping my thighs)
*(said while slapping my thighs)
Sunday, February 6
How Long Should You Wait To Reply?
Jess McCann's Blog has an answer. She says, wait 24 hours--and this isn't just for emails, this includes text messages and phone calls. She makes a really great point about how technology has helped us a lot with instant gratification. You get calls no matter what you're doing, voice messages can be checked no matter where you are, and you can text someone right back while driving in your car (wait for the stop light though). This is hindering our dating, folks! Anticipation is so much part of the appeal!
It's totally cool to wait to reply. Actually, the most recent guy I've been in contact with has been pursuing me (all the more?) despite my slow responses. I get back to him in about 5-7 days and he's right there with something new to say.
This brings me back to one of my personal rules: The guy should be pursuing you. If he's not, you're farther in than he is, i.e. bad news. You don't want to be disposable. You don't want to be the one waiting for a call on Saturday night. You certainly don't want to be the one taken advantage of. If he likes you, he'll keep at it. Guys don't give up that easily, even when they should.
It's totally cool to wait to reply. Actually, the most recent guy I've been in contact with has been pursuing me (all the more?) despite my slow responses. I get back to him in about 5-7 days and he's right there with something new to say.
This brings me back to one of my personal rules: The guy should be pursuing you. If he's not, you're farther in than he is, i.e. bad news. You don't want to be disposable. You don't want to be the one waiting for a call on Saturday night. You certainly don't want to be the one taken advantage of. If he likes you, he'll keep at it. Guys don't give up that easily, even when they should.
Wednesday, February 2
Happy Groundhog Day!
Here's wishing you the life you desire, just like Bill Murray finally found after so many failed attempts.
Find Bill's photo here
Link Time!
Read this article if you want a refreshing take on the difficulty of long term relationships. Relationships are easy! Or... well, not so miserable if you focus on the important stuff and all that jazz. I thought it was quite sweet.
Tuesday, February 1
On Spinsters
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