How Not to Message a Match

my name is chris im interested in u could u be in me??

It's Not About Looks. It's About Height, Too.

As a girl of considerable length, five feet and eleven inches to be more precise, stature of men is not something I can overlook. Once upon a time, I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter if my significant other was shorter than me. I've definitely been attracted to shorter guys. They've almost always begun as friends and become something more desirable. So I've considered relationships with shorter guys. I've fooled around with shorter guys. Correction: guy.

I've changed my mind. Height matters--to me, anyway. Mostly it probably is a reflection of my less than perfect self-esteem. Shorter guys make me feel... big. As a girl who grew up with that adage, big connotes all things undesirable with a woman. I want to be the feminine part of the couple, the one in need of protection, the one with the quiet control. I want to knock him off his feet metaphorically not physically. Aside, a shorter guy once told me that I probably could beat him up. That was a turn-off.

But onward. I'm pretty image conscious. Maybe this is a problem for me. Maybe I am not sound enough of the mind. I have a cross to bear and it is low self-esteem. However, may I suggest that shorter men are prone to complexes about their height? Worse complexes than those women have about their weight. I think us ladies are expected to be paranoid about our poundage, but dudes are not supposed to care a bit. They care soooooo much. It's all about over-compensation with them. So much like dogs, are men. The large ones lumber along unconcerned with their affable size while the smaller ones are so acutely aware of their vulnerability that they end up drawing more attention to it. For instance, the smaller man will thrust out his chest instead of standing up straight--it almost looks straight, but no... you're starting to remind me of a velociraptor... or maybe a chicken... a chihuahua?

So, anyway. What's my point? I forget.

How to Message Me

I'm going to be strait forward, you sound smart and witty, I enjoy conversation with people smarter then me, or at least passionate about something. You may have both who knows!?

I'm back east for a few weeks doing research on a project. I live LA but have family here and have a film in hartford I'm working on, anywho point being when I have free time it would be cool to chat with someone like yourself. I wouldn't really be looking to start a relationship beyond getting tea and chatting once or twice as I live in Burbank and only visit out here a few times a year.If we really hit it off I would totally become a pen pal. I just didn't want you to think I was looking for anything else, I know this site comes with it's fair share of well men being dogs and all.

Anywho let me know if that sounds at all interesting or dont let me know and I'll understand that it doesn't!

Night!


Why is this message a winner?

1. No pressure to respond
2. Explanation of what he was looking for (i.e. not a hook-up, just conversation)
3. Compliments my intellect and personality (safer than looks)
4. Enthusiasm always goes a long way with me

I received this email months ago. We've met a few times since and it's true: he was delightful from the beginning. Sometimes you just get a good feeling about someone, even though there isn't much to go on. Trust that feeling. I'm so glad I met him. Even though he doesn't live around here, he has been my most successful date thus far. Looking back, his misspelling of straight may have been one of the most endearing parts of his message. He actually says "anywho", too. And you know, it's so much cuter now that I know him. Sigh.

The Downside of Online Dating

I have a crush on a guy who lives 3 time zones away from me.

This Boy'$ Blowin' Up My Phone

Two days later...

10:15 AM
Good morning, i woke up this mornig and i saw a sun shine and it wasn't , i was your smile. so thanks for making my thursday a beeter beautiful one just like you...how is your day and please tell me your name so i can tattoo it in my heart and i won't forget you ever that smile..ha ha... If you let me am going to use you as inspiration for my new menus today in my restauratns..what you think?

8:05 PM
Hello there tonight i did a Vegetarin pizza as special ( big seller) thanks for the inspiration!..it was -broccoli rabe, goat cheese, arugula, baby portabellas, herbed chimichurri, asiago cheese and peach balsamic glaze..thatnk you , i would love to cook for you some time,...on me everything, drinks, bring a friend with you..how are you?

9:05 PM
Are you there still?


The next day...

1:10 PM
Good morning sunshine what is your name?

2:15 PM
you are not going to tell me your name aren't you?

I believe he wants my name not only so he can utter it in front of the mirror in the morning but also to give me due credit on the pizza I inspired. I'm sorry. I can't encourage any more messages from this character. Persistence can be nice but clearly it can also be really awkward. The whole English/grammar thing doesn't set a good precedent either.

I Thought This Was Funny... Maybe I'm Going to Hell

Hi my name is Hernan have to tell you this you have the most beautiful smile i evr evr seen,....like your profile as well..but your smile my god,,beautiful and sexy

Another Part of the Rollercoaster

You know when you have a history with someone? And you think you're over it? But it doesn't really matter if you think you are or not because really you're not. And you'll probably never be really all the way over it. But then you find out he/she's in a relationship. It stops you right in your tracks and you realize how much you miss having him/her around. Suddenly you're really sad because you remember how you felt back then when he/she was a constant in your life. And now that he/she's with someone else you wonder why you weren't good enough to still have him/her. Maybe you wonder what this new person has that you don't, or how you could've wasted so much time with someone who didn't want you after all. But why does this new person--this fresh, clean, normal, bright looking person--get something legitimate and real and honest from him/her when you ended up with nothing? Was there value in what you had? What did you have? Then not only are you nostalgic and sad and jealous but you end up feeling a little bit worthless, too.

How Not to Message a Match: Whoa There, Fella!

hello there im james
im 23 years old and im from longmeadow
mass. i work for a small paving company
doing driveways for the past three years
and love it lol.
i am italian scottish and polish.
im bout 5 6 and athletic
i just bought a new car an 03 ford escape
and love it
im looking to meet a sweet funn girl on
here who knows kinda what she what she
wants to like hang out with and date and
hopefully have it lead to something a bit
more serious
im not like most guys
im not an ass
in fact i get used all the time cause im too
nice im told
i am caring and a good listiner and a
complete goofball sometimes lol
i work hard 5 days a week at my job
im sick and tired of bull sh*tand drama
and im looking to just settle down and
move on lol
you know what i mean
im really big on art
i paint and sculpt and i also draw do photo
and prettymuch anything
ive been single for almost a year now thats
why im giving this corny site a shot lol my
friend told me to try it cause she met
someone here so here i am now lol
i have 10 tattoos and love em im hooked
and gonna get 10 more lol
i have two piercings too
i was also adopted along with my two other
brothers
one older and one younger
i love to play frisbee and to go bowling
love the beach and warm weather
this message is getting long i think i keep
talking and rambeling on about myself soo
lets get some questions out there for you
to answer
what kind of car u drive
what kind of work do u do
where did u go to school
what are u looking for
whats ur hobbies and intrests
any siblings
oh and i almost forgot to tell u that u are
like absolutly gorgeous and have amazing
eyes
lol
just thought id put that out there

well anyways i think this mesage is getting
kinda long so imma cut it off here
but i really hope to hear back from u soon
think we could get along
um im not on here much and i dont
normally do this but imma leave u my
number incase u read this and like what u
see and wanna call or text me
im not gonna bite or anything
well unless u ask me to then i will lol
so its
(413)426-2695
if u wanna u can give me urs too lol
that would be nice
and hopefully we can talk and maybe meet
soon
talk ta u later cutie
wink
'
~James

A little bit long there, buddy. A teensy bit over the top. Am I going to hell? Okay, so parts of it could be seen as endearing if I squinted and scrunched my forehead. Honestly though, I didn't even bother to read more than 4 lines before deciding it was going in my blog.

And what's with guys using the old "I won't bite unless you want me to" line? STOP saying that! Has it ever been cute?? I don't want you to bite me!

Sigh. Finding emails like this in my mail box makes me tired.