<h4>Replying Is An Art Form And Flirting Is A Bitch</h4>

Today is mass response day. It's like clearing out the fridge of leftovers. Or paying bills. Or washing my car. What, you say? Writing email responses shouldn't feel like a job? Well, it does. The situation probably feels worse when you procrastinate as much as I do, which means letting messages sit for days or weeks at a time. I usually wait for a day when I'm super bored and feel super guilty, open up the box and

BAM!  "Thanks! How's your weekend?"

BOOM!  "Oh, I love that show! Did you see the finale? Craaazy!"

KAPOW!  "Gosh, it's hot out. You could fry a cat on the sidewalk*, right?"

If you're not interested in someone off the bat, how do you handle the reply message? Is it necessary to write back? Or optional? 

I'm not good at feigning interest. I can be polite and friendly. I hate fake though and I gotta tell you, I feel fake sometimes talking to strangers. It's about listening, I suppose. Mostly people want to talk about themselves if you only give them an opportunity and there's nothing fake about listening. Unless of course you don't care. Then I guess it's fake. But caring is pretty basic. I care!

This is the breakdown of responses for my online courters:

1. Jerks and hard-core weirdos: No response, unless I think of something obnoxious to say.
2. Nice weirdos: Thanks and some banter. Sweet messages deserve appreciation and the semblance of a chance. A thank you, some friendly banter, chit-chat, superficial conversation.
3. Winners: Serious and/or flirtatious response, i.e. some real attention.

On that note, I want to rant a bit about flirting. I'm tired of it. When I flirt, I flirt with a cause and a goal. I want to let a guy know how much I like him so that he chooses me and we can get all canoodly and see if maybe something serious could befall us. But you know what I see? Guys doing lots of flirting and lots of nothing else. I want results. I want flirting with stability and predictability. Bah.


*Oh, you don't use that totally outdated and awkward phrase to describe high temperatures? Neither do I.