It's difficult to hit the right tune with an introductory email: interested, interesting, genuine, and concise. I think it takes the right perspective and finesse to send an effective one. The following is a message I received this morning. It could use some tweaking.
I was reading your profile and I liked what I read. I am a laid back easy going kinda guy who likes to have a good time no matter what. I believe life is short so you should enjoy it while you can. I like going out to eat, going to the movies and I especially like going to concerts, I try to go to at least three a year. I love to travel and there is nothing like a good day trip. I also like to stay in cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie with my special somebody. I am looking for a relationship based on trust and honesty, which in todays world is hard to find. I feel like I am a nice guy with a sociable and funny personality and I know how to treat a girl. I think if we talked we would see that we have alot in common, I hope to talk to you soon
Problem 1: The Resume
When you're introducing yourself to me, please don't copy your "About Me" persona to the message. I'm not attracted to salesmen and, frankly, you're not a convincing salesman, either. Listing your credentials to a prospect is just so tacky. Try a little here... woo me.
Problem 2: Banality
Oh, I'm tired of the cardboard-cutout attributes. Who isn't looking for a relationship based on trust and honesty? And did he get that last part, "which in todays world is hard to find", from a magazine? He's writing exactly what he thinks a girl wants to hear. I, for one, do not want that. Do you, ladies?
P.S. This fellow didn't improve his chances with his profile picture. He's portrayed lounging on a couch with bedroom eyes... the kind you usually see on women. The whole vibe struck me as overtly feminine and most certainly posed. Awkward.
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