<h4>Not There Yet</h4>

I haven't moved past it yet. I have found happiness in my own life, being single. Yet, I miss him. I do. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. How is that possible? How can I be happy when I also wish we could be together?

I can't be over him if I still wish we were together. I don't understand how this works. He wasn't the right one for me. OK. Right? We broke up and there's a reason we broke up. God damn, do I wish we hadn't. I loved him so much. And maybe it was loving him that made me feel so happy. Maybe that would've ended. Something better will come to me, yes. I am happy in my life. So happy. I was walking with my dog last night, just goofily smiling and feeling love shining through me and from me and around me.

What the fuck is going on?

How am I happy and at the same time feel so sad glancing at a picture of him? I want to talk to him but I shouldn't.  Why did he leave me and why do I miss him and will I be over this and why do I wish I could be with him again and why do I wonder if he misses me still? Does he feel the same way? Did he stop thinking about me? Does he ever want me back? Did he love me like I loved him? Will I always love him or will this fade one day? Will I love someone else the way I loved him?

I have control now. I didn't have that when I was head over heels for him. I'm glowing in a different way now. Life is good. And I miss him.  Love is an incredibly powerful thing. He made me better person, or at least loving him has.

You have changed me, Peter.