Here I was thinking this guy could NOT kiss me. That he was so nervous he fumbled it up or that he'd never figured out how to do it right or that when he liked a girl he got so horny and eager that he turned into a 14 year old boy: all hands and tongue. The image of his head careening towards my face as I turned away from the door haunted me Saturday night. I couldn't sleep. I pictured him bounding away goofily, yelling to me how he'd take me out again soon. Oh god, and he made this little weird moaning sound in the middle of the whole thing. And at the end he hugged me, then squeezed me then picked me up!
I was anxious all yesterday imagining the scenarios of his picking me up for dinner last night. Would he come up to the door and immediately move in for another life resuscitation? Would I awkwardly put my hand between our faces and too quickly yell, No! Would we sit painfully through a dinner as I came to the sad conclusion that I was in fact not attracted to him? I could just taste the guilt as I ended up having to explain to him that I couldn't date someone I had such bad mouth chemistry with. How to tell a guy that I hated his kissing? That I was totally turned-off by just that? Oh, the planning in my head all day Sunday and Monday. I wanted to ready myself. And I just couldn't picture the positive: that maybe he would immediately say sorry for how awkward it was and that he wouldn't kiss me like that again. That he had invaded my space and felt like an idiot and wished only that I'd allow him another opportunity to show what he could do.
Well, shit. I brought it up at the very end of the date, after he gallantly paid the check. Do you want to know what he had to say?
He thought I was the kiss botcher. He had been going in for a sweet and simple little goodnight peck on the mouth and was astounded when I tried twisting it into a weird teeth-nashing french. That's why he moaned--in surprise. That's probably while he pulled his face away and squeezed me--just to keep my mouth away from his. We agreed it was horrible, terrible, awful, never to be repeated in the history of kissing. We laughed and I twisted uncomfortably in my seat out of embarrassment, happily mind you. We both felt leagues better getting the whole thing out in the open. As he said, it hung over us the whole date. And he had the same exact thoughts as me except where I was ready to throw in the towel he was not.
"You still liked me after that awful kiss?"
"I thought it was something we could work on."
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