I'm so mad at you. I'm mad you left me. I'm mad that I can't talk to you. I'm mad that I don't want to think about of our jokes anymore. I'm mad that anytime I think of something funny that you said, I get sad. I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss laughing with you. I miss walking with you.
We ate together as a group there. We had our fancy date there. We played pinball there. I don't want to play pinball now. It's too weird. I tried tonight. I wanted to leave as soon as I hit the first ball. We got coffee there and you talked about Aquaman. That's a Julie store. And you love BBQ--I never got to take you to eat BBQ. And we never ate on the cute patio of that one restaurant--remember the one we wrote down on that list? That list of things we were going to do together, just us? And we never went to Steubens. And we got ice cream at at that fudge place that time and you said it was cute that I took so long to decide. And there was that one time you told me it was ok that I take so long to decide, that you would wait for me. And that you would always come back to me.
It wasn't true.
I cleaned out my burners a few weeks ago. You did that for me. That was nice. And my two men? Yeah, it's hard sometimes just thinking how good you were with them and how you're gone now. The dog's got so much fur and his nose is itchy and you were the best about petting him and not getting tired.
I loved you so much. I still do. And it is so hard and I hate it and I miss you and I miss having you.
Today was my birthday. Today was really good. Until maybe 20 minutes ago when it was all too much, too many memories hit me in a row, too many reminders of what it was like when we were together. And now I'm crying.
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