<h4>I Want To Be OK</h4>

I wish I could be fine already.

I never know how I will feel. It does seem like I pendulum each day--Friday I'm great, Saturday I'm melancholy.

I want to be OK. I want to be happy.

I'm happy with myself. I find things to do. I took myself out to breakfast yesterday. I bought myself a new scarf. I went for a run. I took my dog on a long walk. I got a drink with my roommate. I chatted with new guys at the bar. I like trying new things. I like being on my own. But then I come back to my apartment and I look around the room and I look at my dog and I look at my scarf and my tummy's full and I don't know what to do because I'm thinking about that person who's missing. I don't know what to do because it suddenly feels like all the fun stuff is just filler to forget how lonely I am now.

I almost can't even remember his face. I almost can't remember what he looked like standing right in front of me. It's been a few weeks since I saw him. It's been a few weeks since I heard his voice. I don't think I want to be able to imagine him in front of me. I think it would hurt too much.

I want to be over it. If I have to be over it, then let's get there as fast as possible. I want to be OK.