<h4>Finding The Joy</h4>

I was reading this book about getting over your boyfriend. Thirty days of things to think about and then do. I did a few of them today and I had already done a bunch of them without realizing, like putting all the stuff of your life together into a box and hiding it away. Don't throw it out or burn it because you might want it later but put it away. My box is under my sink. I had to clear out the stuff from my last ex-boyfriend first. I had forgotten it was down there.

Another step is writing down all the memories and activities you shared then come up with replacement activities. So like instead of talking on the phone (or waiting for that evening call) read a book in bed. Yep.

Another one is writing down the things you didn't like about him.

Another one is writing down all the things about myself that I value, that are important to me. The idea is to recognize what I need in a man. I did that today. I wrote down the things that I enjoy out of life, the things I live for. That helped. I wrote those things down while sitting on the Starbucks patio, my mug of a latte nearby and my dog not too much farther (with his rawhide).

I also talked to my brother last night who's been a big help. It's over. I'm moving on. This is my life, this is me, I can find the happiness in my world. I can open my eyes to the joy around me. He said it's not easy. For him (he recently broke up too) it has been a constant struggle, a lot of full breaths and sighs and looking around. He told me to try some yoga.

Another thing he said: two steps forward and one step back. I am finding the beauty. I have been able to laugh. I have looked around at my friends and smiled from the inside. I've got so many good people in my world. These people are helping me and they're also what I live for. But for all those moments strung together into good days, there are moments that tumble into a sinkhole. Everything feels wrong, it all looks wrong, I've got it all wrong. And then it slows down and I stop crying and I breathe and maybe fall asleep or smile a little. I get back up.

Everyone breaks up. Everyone feels this. It's ok and it'll be ok. I'll get better at finding the joy.