How to Read a Profile

Beware of men with long hair.

I mean, seriously--it's weird. I'm not talking about shaggy hair or cool slicked-back hair that hits below the ears. I'm talking past the shoulders. Think Fabio, think Taylor Lautner werewolf-Twilight style,  think girl.  If I could mistake you for a girl, I'm not interested. What is up with that style anyway? Is it the manly "if I can grow it, I shall" mentality gone too far? Is it an aspiration to resemble Legolas? Or a medieval knight?

Fine. I admit this is a totally superficial post. Feel free to disagree with my opinion, as usual. I just wanted to talk about it for a second since I found a profile this morning of what I thought was a girl but turned out to be a dude with extremely long curly locks. Gross. Or power to him, I guess.

First Dates Rules: What to Wear?

Let's talk about dates and clothes. And seven layer bars.

First dates call for casual style, personal beauty, and subtle sexuality. Can we agree that it's important to save your bombshell ensemble for later on? I'm all about rules here, folks. Have you noticed that? I like rules. The rule is save your sexiest garb for later dates. Instead, work something that's easy, easygoing, and going to look good on you.

Arriving to a first date dressed in heels and a skirt can conceivably intimidate a guy or place undue pressure on the both of you. Do whatever you want, really, but I get the whole "skirts are scary" thing. I like being approachable rather than being the beauty from afar. I'm awkward, aloof, tall, and gorgeous* enough as it is, I don't need another reason for a guy to shut his yammer around me. I prefer to keep my sexy card until I've got a good report with my new man-friend.

One of my favorite ensembles is a pair of slim jeans, a low cut t-shirt with a form fitting jacket, minimal but effectively placed jewelry and nice sandals or flats--and of course some lady perfume, not my back-up man deodorant. I try to strike the "Hey, I'm looking nice for you, but it wasn't that hard and, frankly, I do it all the time". Not to let the cat out of the bag here but that's my standard fashion protocol.

Bottom Line: Pick some dependable favorites that make you feel at ease and look attractive. 

Thoughts? Questions? Concerns? What do you wear on your firsty?

P.S. I made vegan seven layer bars: coconut milk in place of the evaporated condensed milk. They were really, seriously, uber fab delicious. Life is about layers and enjoying things that are uber fab good.

*I'm practicing my self-appraisal.

Stop Dressing for Other Women

Now THIS is an interesting topic: Are You Dressing for Men... or Women?

I've always been disgustedly fascinated with the American obsession of obtaining the feminine ideal. Girls are coddled from an early age into thinking there's one way to be a woman. Gross. We learned that hotness matter more than anything else in finding a man. Oh and being hot is really hard! You've got to fit the part: heels, skirts, pink, pretty, sweet but edgy, naive but a little dirty, curvy but mostly skinny. And now is the time to reel it in: how does this affect dating?

Women constantly compare themselves to other women: are my hips as wide as that? Is her cleavage too scandalous? Are my arms that squishy? Am I hotter than her? It's dangerous. We're so focused on how we compare to the mannequin at the store that we forget that the mannequin isn't what guys are attracted to. Earth to girls: Men like women!

So the next obvious question: How does one dress for men? Work on your conservative sexy: all you need are self-assurance and self-appreciation. These things seem to take some time to develop but you can fake it for now. Just tell yourself you rock and pretty soon you'll start to believe it, too. Don't be skanky sexy because it's not sexy. It's just skanky. Skanky means you're trying too hard to show off, which means you're not self-assured. Make sure you're projecting the idea that you love and respect yourself and that you're proud of what you've got. You should be.

Oh, and stop wearing so much jewelry.

And stop wearing so much make-up.

And, yes, I approve of heels even though doctors say anything over 2 inches is dangerous.

photo link here

The Importance of Being Yourself

Oh, the trials of finding love. I've rambled a bit already on the importance of not trying when it comes to love. A friend of mine was struggling with that very concept. And by friend of mine, I kind of mean me. I did find a way to apply all my reasoning to someone else's situation, though, and suddenly everything made sense!

In the interest of creating new relationships I've found it's very easy to try to be what you think someone else wants. You want to be liked! So you try and fit your personality into the mold of acceptability. But inevitably your true self will break out. Perhaps it will take a while for that special someone to move on, realizing that he didn't get what he bargained for.

More likely you won't attract real long term interest when you're pretending to be someone you're not. He'll move on before he ever gets to know you. And if there's anything more dissatisfying in love, "I never even got the chance!", you let me know. Your best shot at finding someone who will stick with you? Being entirely and utterly what you are, all the time. People don't like fake; I actually hate fake. It may be bring a shine to a person's exterior at first but it sure gets boring.

It's not easy for most people, I think, to fight the panic of letting yourself be free. So how do you break down all those walls you've been building since middle school? Distractions! Because lot's of stuff/guys/problems/fun going on will keep you from focusing too much energy on that one guy. And when you're not focusing energy on him, you're not caring. And when you're not caring, you're being yourself! Ding ding!

You owe it to yourself and you owe it to all those great guys to let them actually know you! Let him make the decision whether he's interested! Trust his taste in women. If he's not interested, you played your full hand so you have nothing to regret and clearly his taste just doesn't suit yours. And really? It'll be so much easier for him to fall in love with you when you've got all those walls stripped down. Be-e-e yourself!

Oh! Here's a great post on the matter from Blisstree.