Profile No-No: Multiple Paragraphs

Guys! Stop writing so much in your profiles!

Actually--girls! Stop it, too!

I know, you want to tell everyone out there all of your wonderful qualities and, darn, once you get started it's just so hard to stop. Stop! Find another outlet! Dating sites are not the space to glorify yourself. Get a blog! That's kind of what I did... Back to the point! I'm tired of scrolling down to the About Me section to find paragraphs of information on dreams and family problems and favorite... everything. Guys: do you really have the time, energy, and daftness to share so much about yourself with ANY girl who passes over your page? You might as well clear it all and write "I am desperate for some girl to read all this and laugh and love me. Any girl. You? Please?". GAH!

Bottom line: Gentlemen, I'll stop using so many exclamation points if you stop saying so much about yourselves.

How to Read a Profile

Beware of men with long hair.

I mean, seriously--it's weird. I'm not talking about shaggy hair or cool slicked-back hair that hits below the ears. I'm talking past the shoulders. Think Fabio, think Taylor Lautner werewolf-Twilight style,  think girl.  If I could mistake you for a girl, I'm not interested. What is up with that style anyway? Is it the manly "if I can grow it, I shall" mentality gone too far? Is it an aspiration to resemble Legolas? Or a medieval knight?

Fine. I admit this is a totally superficial post. Feel free to disagree with my opinion, as usual. I just wanted to talk about it for a second since I found a profile this morning of what I thought was a girl but turned out to be a dude with extremely long curly locks. Gross. Or power to him, I guess.

Profile No-No: You Tell Me

I know filling out your online profile is a little daunting especially if you're the type of person who doesn't like sharing details or taking risks. But when that question comes up "What are your best qualities?" or "What do people notice about you first?" dooooooooon't, don't, don't, DON'T write 

You tell me.

How lame. I have no idea why someone would like you and furthermore, I'm not any more inclined to meet you after reading that empty statement. It's not coy or alluring. It's a cop-out. Just come up with something! Ask your mom! Ask your friend! Make a joke! Divert the question! Something!

The Joy of Fake Profiles

And again. Here's an example of a wonderful fake profile... or foreign lady profile. The line between the two gets blurred sometimes.

am seeking for the right man to share the rest of my life together with

I'm a very kind and cheerful person. I have a lot of friends and they like to spend their time with me, because they are not bored with me. I have a very good sense of humor and I adore jokes. I'm a one-man woman and I'm tender, romantic and honest. I believe that the main things in the serious relations are honesty, respect and understanding. I'm very respectful and I love children. I know that I will be a loving and passionate wife for my husband and a good and caring mother for my future children. I'm a very good mistress and I like to do all the work about the house. I believe that woman's task is to keep house clean and tidy, to be a queen in the kitchen and to care about her husband. In my house everything is always clean and cozy. I'm a very active person.

The Joy of Fake Profiles

My Match buddy has long been suspicious of fake lady profiles. I was naively skeptical but he convinced me with only a few examples. The following is a particularly good one.

I'm outgoing, busy, love to meet new people and enjoy going out and staying in. According to a personality/work style assessment I did at work recently I have "sparkle, zest and vigor" and have been described by close friends as feisty. I'm pretty sarcastic and it's one of the first things people normally notice about me. I am a fun fearless female who enjoys going out and trying new things. I would have to say I am an open-minded compassionate person who you'd find laughing at herself 20 times a day. I love to have fun with everything. I take trying times with a positive approach and know there is a deeper meaning behind it. I believe that everyone who comes into your life has a purpose of being there. I am basically an easygoing, down-to-earth woman looking for someone that I can be myself around. Someone that is equally happy going out or staying in. I love witty banter and conversations that leave both parties a bit wiser. I want someone who is genuine, kind, and can laugh with and at life. I would love to meet a man who is not afraid to show his feelings, someone who has ability to not just see the world in black and white, but to also be able to see it in between. In return I have plenty to offer to that special someone! I know how to make my special person feel appreciated, valued and much more. One other thing is that I’m not a member yet since I just wanted to get a good feel for it here. If I can’t be reached here though, I can also be found at another place I’m at named freshmatchup- that would most likely be your best bet. I will give all of myself 100 % to the right person. I have a natural gift of making people feel better physically and emotionally, and I am looking for that special someone to share this gift with!

Is this the description of a girl every guy wants? Really? Sparkle, zest, and vigor? Should I double quote that? Oh, what else... she likes laughing; she's down to earth; she knows how to "make her special person feel appreciated, valued, and much more"... ooo, spicy! Well, as soon as you start thinking "Wow she seems cool AND horny", she hits you with a surprise: you have to create an account at another online dating site to talk to her.

If the above summary isn't proof enough, here are the gold signs of a fake profile:

1. One Photo. Especially if she's hot, skinny, wearing a lot of make-up, and has a big rack. Don't you think she would be getting hit on enough without the help of an online dating service?
2. No Specific Interests. Because coming up with interests is so hard for those fake profile-makers. If the left side of her Match profile is blank, it's a bad sign. Real girls love sharing stuff about themselves.
3. Interested in Anyone. If she's looking for anyone between 3 and 7 feet tall and who speaks any language, she's probably not really looking.

How to Read a Profile

Be weary of men who say LOL.
(Warning: This one might be a personal pet-peeve.)

Of all the acronyms employed in common online banter, LOL bugs me like a lot. It doesn't mean anything. You're not laughing out loud. You're probably not even smiling. It doesn't make a conversation any less awkward. And it's so passe! Use some new abbreviations!

Bottom Line: There was an age of shortening words out of convenience/nouveau coolness. That time has passed. Don't use it in your profile, please. 

P.S. Girls- doesn't it make a guy sound just a wee bit... girly?

photo link here

Ridiculous Profile of the Week: Just a Snippet

I was just about to send this guy a message that said, "Wow. You're really cute. What's the catch?" Then I read his profile .

I would rather keep myself a mistery and not write about me just like I would not read about the other person so that I could have my own impression cause half the fun to me is just getting to know someone.


Looks like I found my answer. Is this an example of me being overly-judgmental?